Daring to Be Happy (Misery has ENOUGH company)

On Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday...

2011-03-13T21:15:00.001-07:00

Remember: YOU are BUTT DUST!

Every Ash Wednesday, I've heard this phrase uttered from Episcopal priests from the deep south, to California, to right here in the armpit of the Puget Sound:

"Remember you are BUT DUST, and to dust you shall return".

And it always leaves me thinking... what *IS* BUTT DUST anyway?

Is it anything like J&J baby powder?

And do they mix these elusive dry cherubic derriere particles with ashes of burned Palm Sunday palms before the service?

I haven't asked the Bish (Greg) about this, but I always remind my local prayer-book-toting padre - usually on Mardi Gras Tuesday (currently Hunt Priest)...

"You, sir are Butt Dust!" ;?>

(have a thoughtful Lent)

Old and stupid, or what?

2011-03-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

So have I forgotten how burned I got by being married? What the hell is wrong with me? My current thinking is, "I did pretty well as a husband and father, and if it wasn't for the 'significant others' substance abuse problem I might still be married today." So why am I thinking that I might actually be open to MARRIAGE in this day and age when the marriage deck is so stacked against men?

No one is going to walk all over me financially, emotionally, and physically again. I will still never strike a woman, but I will no longer stick around and put up with being battered physically (and/or verbally/mentally).

My state almost invariably grants child custody to the mother regardless of the issues involved. They also almost invariably ask the father to pay alimony & child support to the mother even if the mother's income is greater than the man's. I've joked in the past (not too laughingly) that if I find myself liking someone, I should just break down, buy them a house, and give them half my worldly possessions.

So there are a lot of things going on for me now - turning 50 at the end of this year isn't primary, but it's something 'lurking' in the shadow of my mind; not having gone on a date for over a year is pretty daunting. Am I just too damned picky, or what? The only women I find remotely interesting seem to have no interest in me whatsoever. I haven't kissed a woman since... well, okay a week ago at a 'friend' dinner, and it was a friendly kiss, but a man wandering in the desert will take whatever he can get. Before that... it was at least 7 months. Yet being a 'good kisser' is one of those 'must haves' in a relationship. Being part of a rock n roll Brass Band... no, there are no groupies... or if there are, they're not the types you'd want to take home AT ALL (much less to 'mother').

Whoops... there I go again: Relationship. I'm thinking about RELATIONSHIPS. And find myself open to the "M" word mostly because I'm thinking to myself that my loud and frequent protesting about "M" being so negative to the psyche and well being of men has created a negative back-lash... or a non-lash if you will. A realization that... just perhaps... women are only interested in dating men if there is still that merest chance - that SPARK of the possibility of marriage, and a 'happily-ever-after' at the end of the road. Sophomoric, I know. Naive, and saccharine sweet... I know.

But there it is. And from casual 'trial ballooning' of this idea, I find that it's true. The kind of mature, intelligent, attractive, fun, curious, woman who is interested in sex (and not likely to say, "You're not still wanting to have sex, are you? At our age? Are you?") and who - to the contrary - would never be caught 'acting her age'... this elusive woman still wants the slightest chance of a hint of a whisper of a possibility of a 'white-wedding', and a happily ever after.

OMG! Okay. I give up. I take it back when I loudly proclaimed: NEVER AGAIN.

i'm open to the idea again

How Obama Saved Capitalism and Lost the Midterms

2010-11-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

I read an interesting article today, and started to compose a reponse to the article I'd read here:
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/02/how-obama-saved-capitalism-and-lost-the-midterms/

There are a couple of other interesting articles I'd read, that had my mind thinking:
http://techcrunch.com/2010/08/28/silicon-valley%E2%80%99s-dark-secret-it%E2%80%99s-all-about-age/

And a script I've been working on about a guy outsourcing HIMSELF (off-shoring himself to India). That script is now back on the front burner because I had a visceral reaction to some of the characters in "Monsoon Wedding" - particularly the Indian who had a great high tech job in Houston, and was planning to go back there right after the wedding. [not mentioning that there's some Computer Science major in Houston who is out of work because of him - he probably does similar work to what I do, gets paid 1/3 the amount, and loves it - but puts me out of that job because he's willing to work for less $$ - but don't get me started...]

Many of you know I'm an 'economic determinist' - I firmly believe that history can be most clearly viewed through the lens of "Those who have the strongest economy win the day, and will write the history books". Think US Civil War / War Between the States (or as my grandmother said, "The Wa'wuh of Nawth'un Aggre'shin"). In the late 20th Century, the US wrote the history books. In the 2000's to date) the Chinese and Hindi's will write the history books unless we as a nation address our four (4x) toughest problems: 1) Jobs, 2) Jobs, 3) jobs, 4) jobs. Health care? Education? Housing / the home-ownership American Dream? The Economy? All important - but all underly problems 1-4. If you have a tenuous job (or have NO job), or are in an industry like mine where you have to change companies every few years to advance, you worry about where your health care is going to come from both a) long-term, and b) in the 'between positions' / interim time periods. Scariest thing I've seen lately? The California jobs fair room where they asked the 2000 people in the room (looking for work) how many of them had PhD's (a few hands), how many had Masters (several dozen more MBA hands), and bachelor degrees (and all 2000 people had hands-in-the-air).

Back to the original story (top link - above) I read the story, and started to 'reply' but the reply was > 500 characters, or words, or something, and wasn't being accepted. Too long - as usual. So, I saved it in my 'notepad', and pasted it here:

"Sorry to say, but in 2000 I voted for "W". I paid for that mistake by losing a substantial fortune in the ensuing economic debacle(s). It made me stop, take a long hard look at the two political parties, and realize that as an 'economic determinist', the Democrats were better on the economy than Republicans. To me, this was a huge shock - i reasoned "since the GOP is so rich-centric, surely they must do everything they can to help the rich get richer by making the capitalist US economy run more efficiently." But my research proved otherwise.
Nixon/Ford/Bush/W=recession. Kennedy/Johnson/CLINTON=prosperity/boom. Even Carter navigated the country out of high interest rates into prosperity (that Reagan took credit for), and lost the 1980 election because of 21% mortgages, and the Iran hostage crisis. Reagan out-spent the USSR, and bankrupted them, but created huge debt for US. "W" sent us into 2 'off-budget' wars, and bailed out his wall street buddies - and Obama gets the bailout-blame. And the guys on wall street think they're making profits now because they're smart(!) (not because the taxpayers saved their asses, and kept their entire industry from going under!?!) Talk about Wall Street hubris!"

I was thinking about the mid-terms - and trying to explain how the Democrats get economics better than Republicans. Now I have to find my copy of that book - the best thing I've ever read on the subject, the chapter "Talking Points at a Republican Barbeque" in "We're Right, They're Wrong" by James Carville. It was written about the 'Contract On America', but holds true today - moreso after the Bush administration left the country's economy a burned out mess. It's as if they looted and pilaged their way through the country's budget surplusses, Social Security trust fund, etc, ran off to play in Dick Cheney's bomb shelter/basement, and burned everything behind them.

Needless to say - this had to be said by someone... who better than someone. Who better to say it than someone who no one reads - the mid-life bachelor who's beyond his 'date-by' date.

Making Your Voice Heard... it helps if you speak

2010-10-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

This morning I *SPOKE* on the morning bus. It's mentionable, because in the past 3 years, I've uttered approximately 10 words on the morning bus. So what was different today? The guy who got me involved in Sound Wave was on the bus, so we chatted the entire way to the office. When we 'deplaned', a fellow passenger commented, "You speak very well - I see you every day, yet I've never heard your voice."

On the bus home in the evening, I often speak to people - one person even recognized my voice from something (Short Flix, a radio voice-over... who knows) and asked if I'd ever recorded audio books. Although it's something I would *LOVE* to do, and have both the natural talent, and persistence to bring off believable performances (the various 'parts' of a book 'script'), I've never known how to land that FIRST GIG as an audio book voice-over reader.

If you have a book, and want a great reader to bring it to life, drop me a line - I'd love to be involved. And I'll work cheap!

Goodbye Cruel Dating World...

2010-02-28T13:58:00.000-08:00

I thought a lot about yesterday's post, and I'd rather NOT dwell on that topic. If women want to like, or dislike men... C'est la vie. It has nothing to do with me personally. I'm not the reason why anyone - even my ex-wife - should dislike men. I don't want to dwell in the dark nether-regions of relationships. Instead, I'd rather get out there and enjoy life.

It was quite a journey over the past year - blogging for the first time, and seriously trying online dating, then giving up on on-line dating, and dating as a mid-life bachelor in general. I'm no longer worried about it - I'm Happy with Myself, and *I* can put up with myself - but to expect to find someone else who could put up with me (besides my sons - because they're polite boys - and my dog - she's the 'alpha bitch' in my house) seems a pointless search. Sometimes even *I* can't put up with me. But I do catch myself, and make serious attempts to stop those behaviors I don't like in myself.

I refined what I would be looking for in a woman / partner / friend... *IF* I were still looking... and realized the likelihood of an finding an unmarried straight woman who's in good physical shape, like's men, and isn't embittered by the challenges of life as a mid-life-singleton in this, the second decade of the 21st Century... is nil. And I accept it. The Death of Singledom is real, and I've gone through all the Kübler-Ross stages of grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Some apologies: Chris, I'm sorry I couldn't listen to your advise to grit and bear my broken marriage - I could no longer live as the focus of such irrational anger. I don't blame you for having more sympathy for my ex than for me: I was never open with anyone regarding what I was going through. And you were right: I got little more than my clothes, and big debts in exchange for my so-called 'freedom'. Joy, I'm sorry I could not continue to be your 'wingman'. I'm not sorry that I'm not the guy you're looking for, but I am hopeful you're able to more explicitly describe what that elusive male would look like, and that he exists. Best of luck.

Goodbye childish romantic delusions. Goodbye sex. Goodbye frustration at dealing with people who haven't been able to deal with their anger and frustrations at an imperfect world. Goodbye "M.Average" - not Mr. 'Always Right', and Not Mr. 'Always Wrong', more 'Mr Right just the Right Amount of the time' - no one wants a descent former Eagle Scout, over trusting guy. Women want scoundrels, and villains, and you're neither Mr. Not-Always-Wrong-Nor-Always-Right.

Hello Sunshine, and hello spring. Hello to Music. Hello to writing that's far less indulgent than blogging. Hello to finishing script projects. Hello to a renewed emphasis on film making. Hello to staying toned, fit, and trim by exercising - cycling more on the Christmas 'raffle prize bike', hello(?) to the Century Ballroom for lessons? hmmmm... Hello renewed energy, and sense of humor at the strangeness of this strange experience we call life.

Mostly, hearty greetings, and hello to that elusive woman who I hoped to have met by now. I'm sorry that the timing was all wrong. So to you, my young woman friend of whatever age, I say Hello.... and Goodbye.

Why do SO MANY women ... Hate Men?

2010-02-27T10:52:00.000-08:00

Misandry - a word used so infrequently, that spell checkers highlight it as a misspelling, yet "misogyny" - the opposite of misandry - shows up just fine. Yet my personal experience over the past several months show there has been a shift in the relationships of men and women... and I assert there is far more misandry in the world than misogyny.

Misandry: (mĭ-sān'drē) n. Hatred of men. [1946, from miso- "hatred" + andros "of man, male human being" (see anthropo-). Related: Misandrist.]

I can understand that many women have been in abusive relationships with men - physically or mentally abusive. I've experienced the rejection many women at middle-age receive from men - is this the result of misplaced self loathing caused by unrealistic expectations of physical fitness, and body types based on 'popular culture' and the media?

Are men to blame for this? (I can hear women saying, "Damned right!") But blaming men as a race for the strange biases portrayed in the media is like saying "all dogs are bad because a Pitt bull in South Seattle killed an elderly woman in 2009". Not everyone can look like that young girl on the cover of 'Shape' magazine - and not all men WANT someone who looks like that young girl on the cover of 'Shape' - the 'girl', and the desire for that girl (in my mind) both shout of immaturity.

The Catholic Church (big "C" there, as in 'Roman Catholic') and more recent organizations like The Mars Hill "Church" hold to a theological view of "Complementarianism" - holding that "God has created men and women equal in their essential dignity and human personhood, but different and complementary in function with male headship in the home and in the Church." Perhaps it's this viewpoint that's the root cause of all the problems between the sexes... with women always in a secondary role as supporters to the patriarchal - male - leaders. I'm no expert in this area, but I strongly suspect this is the case. And I (for one) don't want to be in a relationship with someone who will always play second banana to me. Oh, I will probably fall back into the 'making the universe over with her at the center' trap I tend to fall into, but old habits die hard, I'm sorry to say...

The Other catholic (i.e. worldwide) Church in America (The Episcopal Church) holds the theological view of "Egalitarianism". Put briefly, egalitarianism holds that "all people are equal before God and in Christ. All have equal responsibility to use their gifts and obey their calling to the glory of God. God freely calls believers to roles and ministries without regard to class, gender, or race." Women are not second banana here - women take on as much of, and as strong a role as they want to take on. This is what I Believe.

Yet there is a growing men's movement that compares a marriage to riding in a car - pointing out there's only one steering wheel - or to a television set, 'there is only one remote control'. In my own experience, I've shared the driving responsibilities, and don't clutch the remote like a caveman, but change the channel, and leave 'the clicker' on the coffee table. It's true... I have been 'the primary bread winner', but I'm not against having an income that's less than a partners - that wouldn't somehow emasculate me to be in a relationship where the woman brought in a bigger salary than me. More disposable income! (woot!) Au contraire - that would be a blessing.

So, yes... I at least admit the inkling of a possibility that from my limited perspective as a mid-life bachelor that without a Magic 8-Ball, appearances point to more misandry than misogyny in the world. But I *will* go on record as saying it's not my fault. I do not hate women. If anything, I love women too much - and there's the irony of being a woman loving middle-aged bachelor in a world steeped in misandry.

Want examples? Example 1: in the movie "Wedding Crashers", there's a scene where Vince Vaughn wakes up to find himself duct-taped to a bed, with his nymphomaniac girlfriend straddling him. It was an uncomfortable scene, yet played as *COMEDY*... rape... as comedy. HORRIBLE!! Yet, if the roles had been reversed, the movie going public would have screamed about, RAILED AGAINST, protested, disclaimed, repudiated and in general REJECTED these filmed actions. But with a woman as rapist, that is somehow seen as okay? And even 'funny'?!?

Example 2: the movie "Enchanted" - there, the male characters are belittled, and emasculated as the female characters literally grab the sword, and do battle with the evil dragon (this time a woman on woman fight rather than the more traditional fairytale male hero vs. the viscous male dragon who has the mixed up sexual identity, and desires human females... is it because all the female dragons have been slain?)

We live in a strange age where men and women seemingly can't even get along - much less meet for dating, mating, or even spending some time together for mutual enjoyment. But admittedly, I'm not looking in the right places... after all, you never find what you're looking for until you look in the last place you would expect [because once you've FOUND something, you stop looking.]

We would ALL do well to "put down The Hate", and "pick up The Love".

Fat Tuesday and.... Pancakes???

2010-02-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

I still don't get it. It's an Episcopal tradition - I realize that, but I still don't get it. Where I grew up, we had Mardi Gras - floats with masked revelers throwing moon pies, beads, doubloons, and candy, followed by marching bands, and maskers on horseback. My hometown had Mardi Gras in 1704 - before New Orleans was even founded - and late winter / early spring was a great time for all.

And in the south, you were either Baptist, or Catholic - there were no other choices... so I was something else, naturally. But one thing we did NOT do was pancakes. Pancakes are good for about 10 minutes after cooking. After that, they're a greasy chewy mess, and the batter doesn't store well. So when the 'pancake supper' is finished, what's left to donate to the local shelter/soup-kitchen?

That's why in the home of the Mardi Gras - the Mother Of The Mystics - we always had Fat Tuesday Jambalaya. A hearty seafood gumbo with rice and andouille sausage (spicy) and beans - the leftovers from this would warm the heart of even the most cynical street denizen. So while we have 'pancakes' here in the NW, I always make a point of distributing beads, and shaking my head silently as the night progresses.

The next day? Ash Wednesday. Remember: YOU are "Butt Dust".
(Happy Belated Mardi Gras!)

SoundWave

2010-02-14T20:26:00.000-08:00

Several weeks ago, I applied for an audition spot for the Sounders FC's pep-band "SoundWave". My audition was set for 10am today - but I had a previous commitment on Hood Canal at a retreat for church leaders. Saturday, at the conference, I asked my friend Jack to help me transpose "Mona Lisa" (Nat King Cole) from treble to bass clef as the 'solo' portion of my tryout, but made a point of not actually playing the resulting sheet of music until the morning of the tryout. I left the conference early (last night) so I'd be in town fresh, and ready to play.

This morning, I drove into my office at 9am, went up to a vacant conference room, and played through the resulting sheet for the first time. Fortunately I found a couple of glaring mistakes in my transposing, and fixed them. By 9:45 I was ready. By 10:30, I had been interviewed, did some very poor music sight reading, played the solo, and was out the door.

Tonight I got the call... my first rehearsal as a *MEMBER* of SoundWave is Saturday, 3pm!!!! Now I'm dreaming we'll play "Legend Of The One Eyed Sailor", or "Mardi Gras Mambo", and some other rockin Latin stuff. (WOOT!!!)

On Following Myself...

2010-02-12T02:00:00.000-08:00

I noticed I'm the only one reading this... (see 'Followers' link to the RIGHT)
And people wonder why I've given up on dating.

Facebook and the Cult of glowing rectangularism

2010-02-12T01:44:00.000-08:00

My son's got me to sign up for Facebook, and I resisted as long as I could. Now it's a constant source of new email messages "Fred did this", or "Sue did that", or "Howard discovered oil on his make believe farm, and wants you to feed his tomogochi chickens"... Eck! (pronounced like 'heck' without the 'h')

Oh, it's been nice to connect with people I haven't had any 'face time' with for several years... don't get me wrong. But it's not exactly the same as HAVING 'face time' with ANYONE. It's really just a sinister plot to keep more people staring at the glowing rectangles, or pocket sized glowing rectangular objects that can entertain, has a compass built into the stock, has this thing that tells time, and pinpoints your location on the planet to within 1.25inches... oh, and you can also make phone calls with it. ;?> The REAL Dick Tracy wrist radio... although you keep it in a pocket and it can cause repetitive thumb strain.

I've been under the weather - a winter cold - for the past few days, and between long naps watched a few movies on my list. The least impressive of these were "The Hurt Locker" (up for the Oscar this year), and "Black Orpheas". While I liked the calypso music in the latter, seeing yet another movie telling the epic story of Orpheus and Eurydice (all on the same 1001 movie list I should add) is a bit taxing.

I've been watching all the Powell and Pressburger films, and one scene in "Age of Consent" really made me ache for the warm tropical summers of my youth. Afternoon and evening thundershowers were the weather pattern in the late 1970's (but no longer) - the sky would darken around 3pm, POUR BUCKETS of warm rain for 20 minutes, then the sun would come out, and everything would be dry again within about an hour. Oh, the humidity was high... but it was a humid heat, after all.

So, why don't we do away with Facebook, and set a date to have lunch... in San Diego, or on the beach in Waikiki? THAT would be Face Time worth spending!

Project Bike - Complete

2010-02-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

After adjustments, we took her out for a ride through the neighborhood, and to the local Target store where I picked up a Phineas and Ferb t-shirt for the proud bike restorer.

My son on his bike - nicknamed "Shreader" - and I on my Schwinn Jaguar 7-speed cruiser. We were quite the pair. But I really need to find my helmet - to set a good example, and all. Have a great week! And remember: whatever it is, YOU *CAN* DO IT. Make YOUR film. Repaint your bike. Write the story you want to read. And keep those pages coming... just a few pages a day is all it takes.

Project Bike - Almost there

2010-02-06T13:52:00.000-08:00

All done except for sizing to the rider, and adding the rear rack.

Project Bike - During

2010-01-30T18:37:00.001-08:00

Here are a couple of shots 'during'. 1) "The Stripper" at work. 2) A Happy Boy. 3) In the Paint Shop.

Project Bike - Before

2010-01-30T18:35:00.000-08:00

Here's how the "Traveller" folding 5-speed bicycle looked before we started sanding, and re-painting...

Project Bike

2010-01-29T09:57:00.000-08:00

For years, I've been looking for a replacement for my favorite bike as a kid - it turns out it was a bicycle built for Sears by Huffy, and only manufactured between 1969 and 1971 - the "Sears Screamer 1". It had 'butterfly handlebars' that curved up, then down, then over - just like in the picture. Today, these bikes are referred to as 'muscle bikes', and are in high demand. I showed my sons this bike, and saw the longing in the eyes of my 10 year old.

The next day (2 weeks ago now), we went to 'BikeWerks' - a local used bike shop - to see if they had an old Spider bike, or something even close to the Screamer. After looking at a couple of bikes, my son chose a 'folding bike' with 5 speeds that had a horrible green paint job. He said "We could paint it", and so $40 later, the project began.

The next day, I went to the downtown Home Depot, walked into the paint department, and stated: "I Need A Stripper".

Once the laughter subsided, I added that it should be environmentally friendly, and not peel the skin off my lap when I pour it on thick. ;?> CitriStripper did great work on the old paint, and Krylon spray primer was quick work as well. My son wants the bike to be painted ORANGE, but the orange at Home Depot seemed too bright to him, so we went with a color at Lowes. But once it was on-the-bike, the Valspar orange paint crinkled, and cracked, so today I'm going back to the Depot to find a can of Rustoleum Orange Gloss.

In the meantime, we replaced the old cracked 20" street tires with "urban camo" tires, and are thrilled with the result. Before putting on the tires, we used steel wool to remove spoke rust, and shine up the rims. A coat of metallic 'chrome' paint, and the wheels now look ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!! I'm planning to spend some time on the bike this weekend, and will post 'before' and 'after' shots to show the work.

Haiti IS US

2010-01-27T18:02:00.001-08:00

You may not realize I'm an active Episcopalian - yes... the denomination that's often in the news for having a "big tent". [all are welcome regardless of race, sex, orientation, or sociology-economic background (rich or poor, pink or purple]

This weekend I learned that the Diocese of Haiti is part of the Episcopal Church! There are 80,000 members in Haiti, and only around 20,000 in WA. Last night at our monthly meeting, we identified some outreach funds that have been languishing in a 'cash fund' (making .013% interest) and it took us about three minutes to redirect $4000 of that money to the Episcopal relief fund for Haiti. It was a great feeling, and provided another connection with our brothers and sisters in that devastated island nation.

"The Diocese of Haiti is the largest diocese in the Episcopal Church, so there are strong bonds between Episcopalians in this country and our sisters and brothers in Haiti. For updates on the ministry of the Episcopal Church in Haiti, visit this link: http://www.episcopalchurch.org/haiti.php. All of us are encouraged to support with our prayers and financial resources the work of Episcopal Relief and Development. To learn more and to donate online: http://www.er-d.org/"

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Failure can be very liberating

2010-01-23T12:21:00.001-08:00

It’s not something I do often – failure, that is – but when I do… it can be pretty spectacular!!

Now if I could turn the corner on this mid-life dating thing, and actually FAIL to fail!!

Hey, it’s possible… ;?> Yes, I’ve given up on the ‘on-line dating’ oxymoron – the "Now I’ll interview you to see whether I’d like to spend a couple of hours of face-time together doing something "paradigm that passes for modern dating.

While you’re waiting for answers to those questions, however, I’ll be at club Contour, or checking out a film I’ve been dying to see… “Up In The Air”, anyone?!?!

Ass Man...

2010-01-09T14:05:00.000-08:00

Ass Man: a distinguished heterosexual gentleman who enjoys the sight, proximity, and touch of a woman's derriere. Not to be confused with the term used for Wal-Mart assistant managers... OR the license plate Kramer received on the series Seinfeld (meant for a proctologist).

A distinction is made between an Ass Man, and a tits and ass man. An Ass Man is a man whose favorite part of the female anatomy, to look at or play with, is the buttocks, in distinction to a tit-man or a tit(s) and ass man.

Similar in temperament to a Legs Man: A male whose primary sexual interest centers on womens' legs, sometimes in distinction to one who is interested in breasts or asses. "He's a leg man; he prefers legs to tits."

From personal observation, tits men seem extremely shallow, and manipulative - often pressuring their girlfriends to receive surgical augmentation. Leg and Ass men on the other hand are more interested in their partner's staying in good shape - often participating in the same athletic or exercise interests to maintain both good health, healthy body shape, and weight.

THAT's why I run, cycle, and kayak - not because I ENJOY avoiding traffic in the rain, but because I like the results... the physical health, and weight moderation. Green Lake, anyone?

Stacy's Ass...

2010-01-09T10:51:00.001-08:00

I went to a going-away-party for a young actress/model friend who's moving to L.A. to seriously pursue her acting career in the entertainment industry. She started by having her current employer (Red Robin restaurants) transfer her to a store in L.A. Now she's headed down there.

My observations about her: LOADS of talent, very easy on the eye, truly friendly, sincere, and easy to get along with. Downsides: she's very religious to the point of being potentially off-putting. While this is a positive attribute when it comes to her work ethic, and her 'cleanliness' relative to drugs & alcohol, it makes her a potential victim of those who desire to control and manipulate.

I can totally predict her 'relationship future' in L.A.: meets that smarmy, yet dishonest "some guy" who gives lip service to religion to 'get inside her pants', and quickly becomes a drain on her life - financial, emotional, etc. I see these qualities in my friend's 'roaming-hands-step-father-with-a-bull-shit-opinion-on-everything', [who she's moving to L.A. to get away from - whether or not she'll admit it]. My 1-hour exposure to this step-parent convinced me (have I seen this pattern before? hmmmm...) family history is doomed to repeat itself.

But, of course, having a Mid-Life Bachelor even befriend (much less give advice to) a girl half-his age makes him an instant sexual suspect. In this case, while she indeed has the greatest derriere I've seen in a VERY long time... she's not a romantic interest. I'm probably more religious than she is, but I have other places for my life energy. Something we have in common is wanting to work on our entertainment industry careers. She's got the upper hand on me in this regard - she's taking steps to 'do something about it', while I've kept the tech-career going with the LATENT intent of 'funding my PASSION for filmmaking/acting/sound-work'. She's DOING SOMETHING, while I'm still WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN.

But not for long... ;?>

(more on 'Ass Men' in a future post...)

Writing Projects...

2010-01-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

I've been taking time every day to write, or at a minimum outline, on a couple of projects. So far so good, but I've reached a point on one of them where I need to get buy-in from a collaborator, or else shelve the project for good. It's time for a 'pitch session' with that collaborator - the person for whom I'm writing the... 'Holiday Fable'.

Also, after much debate, I think it's time to also pitch the 'zombie nerds' project to my friend at Disney as an episode of his tween animated series. Rumors that his main character is based on *ME* are completely untrue (as far as I know). I may be at times optimistic, and have a 'can do attitude' (which I use to great success at work), but my COMPLETION ratio is not nearly as high as the characters on the animated series. Still... it has a VERY infectious Theme Song.

Speaking of Theme Songs, I removed the music links on the right side of the page - they had stopped being something you could play as you read (i.e. "Every Day I Write The Book"), and become a complete AD for 'buy these songs now'... bummer.

Deleted the oxy-moron accounts...

2010-01-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally broke down, and deleted both my "On-line Dating" accounts - PlentyOfFish and OkCupid. A dear friend summed up my feelings on the subject very well, and I'll paraphrase it here (from the 'why are you leaving' message I left on OkCupid...

"Conscientious Mid-life dating is not well served by on-line dating websites, or by the 'dates' they lead to.

The concept of 'modern dating' promoted here (and elsewhere): "Let's spend a few hours together with the express purpose of interviewing each other for possible romantic fulfillment and mating". OMG! Unless it stops at "let's spend a few hours together," it's doomed from the beginning by pressure and judgment. Instead, people need to spend time together doing things they enjoy. Staring at glowing rectangles BY ONE'S SELF does not involve a) other people, or b) something I enjoy doing (thanks to doing it all day 'at the office')."

Meet Me in St. Louis

2009-12-18T13:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I realize this film is in the "1001 Movies You Must See" list because of Garland and Minelli, and the musical numbers, and the sparkling high-contrast technicolor vividness of the 1944 film.

But...

I know, I know. Much beloved. Holiday favorite. Cameo by June Lockhart. Still... I'm going to admit it here: "It Is A Chick Flick!" Yep. Director Vincent Minelli made a loving portrait of a mild-mannered so-tamely-dysfunctional-it's-silly turn-of-the-last-century family melodrama... with musical numbers (The 'Trolley Song', "Meet Me In St. Louie", "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"). But that doesn't change the fact that it's a chick flick.

At least it's a pre feminist film, so while there ARE strong female leads, and they indeed "rule the roost", they don't do it by emasculating, and belittling the male characters. (ala. "Enchanted") But from my perspective, it's as if half the movie going population are left scratching their male-patterned heads, and wondering what the "Big Deal" is.

"A Christmas Story" still stands as my favorite Christmas 'feature film', while "The Hogfather" is my favorite holiday TV movie (aka 'Terry Pratchett's The Hogfather').

Oh... and I'll have to upload photos of last weekend's "SantaCon Seattle" - 400-500 Santas on a pub crawl trying to find out who's been naughty and... well... naughty mostly.

The 4 F's of SantaCon:
1) Don't F*** with Children.
2) Don't F*** with Police.
3) Don't F*** with Security. and
4) Don't F*** with Santa.

It was A HOWL!!!

An Open Letter to Francis Ford Coppola

2009-12-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight, while watching "Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse" about the filming of "Apocalypse Now", I watched the laborious undertaking of the making of that monumental cinematic experience from 1979. It took me back - naturally - to the first screening of the film as seen on opening weekend... the film opens with no credits... there are scenes of a jungle encampment going up in flames... eventually, helicopters crossing paths... and a narration, "Saigon... my God, I'm still in Saigon". And so began a story where the protagonist traveled up-river to meet the antagonist (Kurtz) in a fight to the death. It was a Greek Tragedy writ large. I pondered that film for many days, trying to understand what was going on in the filmmaker's head, and it hit me... I understood the story - and it *WAS* from Greek Mythology... only not from the 'Odyssey' (or the 'Idiocy' as Mr. Coppola refers to it)... but a completely DIFFERENT tragic Greek figure.

Since that original premiere, the film's opening was changed, and over the years the film has been edited, and tweaked here and there - much like his friend George Lucas tweaked the original "Star Wars" as early as 1978 to change the sounds of 'radio chatter' during the death star battle - including the insertion of the 'French Plantation' sequence. [A sequence that should have remained on the cutting room floor - it added nothing to moving the story forward... a.k.a. "up-the-river"... IMHO]

But in watching Hearts of Darkness, it became clear to me *WHY* he kept tweaking the film: he didn't realize what he had created because he was TOO CLOSE TO THE PROJECT!! Could it be that even today - 2009 - *HE* doesn't realize the underlying mythos that brought the story together - if only subliminally - and why it resonated then, and continues to resonate with movie goers today, even though the story line seemed somewhat random, and non-linear?

It wasn't clear to me until my second viewing of the film... and during the sequence when Martin Sheen said, "My God... I'm Still in Saigon..." I GRABBED the arms of the seat, and audibly GASPED (there suddenly wasn't enough air in the theater - I'm sure to the dismay of my fellow theater goers). Captain Willard - Martin Sheen... was a modern day SISYPHUS!!! Only instead of rolling a stone forever up the mountain, he was forever caught in a time loop riding a riverboat up the river to his mortal combat confrontation with Marlon Brando - who would probably demand another million dollars from Coppola for each subsequent trip up-the-river, in the endless progression of this Moebius strip of a movie...

It was just like Pink Floyd's "The Wall" album released the same year... very faintly in the opening moments of that seminal album, a voice can be heard saying... "...re we came in?", and at the end of the 4th side of the album, in the LAST MOMENTS... the same voice can be heard faintly saying, "Isn't this whe...", and the music loops, and loops, ad infinitum. (Side 4:"Isn't this whe... re we came in?": Side 1)

But in watching "Hearts of Darkness", it occurs to me that perhaps Mr. Coppola has never made the connection... is that possible? Was he so intimately close to the material that he didn't see the over-arcing mythological tale woven within the 'Odyssey' like narrative?

Mr. Coppola, sir: it works because it is a modern day 'Tale of Sisyphus', with Captain Willard caught in the hell that is his never ending journey up-the-river that even now is being played out on DVD, and DVR players in living rooms and home theaters around the world - technologies that weren't even dreamt of in the days when the story was first captured on celluloid.

Thank you for giving us this gift of your blood, sweat, and creative tears.

- - - - - -
Confession here: just like Brando, (and I'm not speaking of the Green Beret 'Jungle Survival Guide' of Dennis Hopper here...) I've never read *The Book* (i.e. 'Heart of Darkness')

Measured days...

2009-12-05T09:42:00.000-08:00

I read the story this week about loneliness being exacerbated by isolation - another reason why I need to move closer to the city... The phone calls from Realtors have almost stopped, but now the snail-mail has begun - look in the recycle bin for proof. Fortunately (?) the sign company hasn't come by to pick up the post - if it hangs out for a few more days, I'll move it to behind the shed, and consider using it in the spring, and put up a big 'for rent' sign on it.

Today I'm on my own, and looking forward to a Seattle Singles (Meetup.com) Holiday party downtown... should be fun. In the meantime, my day will be measured out in coffee spoons, and T.S. Eliot... no... more like Howard Hawks, Jean Cocteau, Criterion Collection, and the like.

This past week was GREAT for film - I experienced "Being John Malkovich", "Sullivan's Travels", "His Girl Friday" and "Strange Days". Oh, I had seen His Girl Friday before, but was watching to see why it was included on the list... probably because of the breakneck pace of the dialog. The McGuffin (as Hitch used to call it) was predictable (a letter of pardon from the governor carried by an innocent oaf), but the political overtones, as well as the interaction between Cary Grant as con-man/newspaper-man and Roslyn Russell as 'Hildy' ace-reporter and city-wise no-nonsense gal made the film worth the re-watch on a Saturday morning. 'Being John Malkovich' became a must-see after watching "Adaptation" by Charlie Kaufman... just as I'm watching all of Murnau's film catalog after seeing "Sunrise", so I'm tracking down all the films written by Charlie Kaufman after seeing "Adaptation"... yes, it was THAT GOOD.

So... I should probably dust off, and give the Crash Test Dummies a listen. Oh, but everything stops at 1:30 for THE college football game of the YEAR! The Alabama Crimson (Roll!!) Tide versus the swamp rats from Florida. Drown 'em TIDE!!! ;?>

Vulture, thy name is Realtor(tm)...

2009-12-01T09:49:00.000-08:00

Smile...
Grin and bear it.
Let it go...
[exhale]
Ahhh... better.

Anyone familiar with my house saga will remember that back in 2007 when I purchased a home in West Seattle, I got it for a price that was well under market. Since then, I gutted the kitchen and bath replaced floors, cabinets, and appliances. The exterior was repainted, the hardwood floors refinished, and I listed the refurbished house for sale in the fall of 2008.

Since that time, the term 'short-sale' has entered the real estate vocabulary, and the result is that many homes on the market today are priced below the value of the current owner's home mortgage. To qualify for a short-sale, you have to a) be willing to let your credit rating suffer for 7 years, b) be behind in your mortgage payments - 60 to 90 days minimum, and c) have good health and a strong internal constitution to enable you to live day-by-day with the stress caused by (a) and (b).

Yesterday, the current listing on my home expired - and the house went OFF the market. Today, beginning at 7:31am, I began getting phone calls from Realtors who want to RE-LIST my house. The calls have been non-stop... so much so that I changed my outgoing message to ask Realtors to please hang-up, and not to call again.

Realtors really irk me... IF I were able to sell my home for the current list price, I would be able to pay off the mortgage. But add to the sale price the 7.5% in fees and Realtor commissions, and I would be faced with writing a check for $3,000 to $5,000 dollars over-and-above the sale amount (which I *DO NOT* have lying around) to cover those commissions.

My options? The holiday season is one of the weakest times of the year for home buying, so leaving the house on the market through the holidays just seems foolish. One option is to refinance. But I'm not sure the home will appraise at the value of the current mortgage. If I *could* refi, I'd be able afford the monthly payment (without dipping into dwindling savings), and that might empower me to RENT the house to tenants, and I could rent an apartment closer to my sons in Bellevue.

Yet... they persist in calling, these princes of the sales pitch, these reformed used-car salesmen who hope to thrive off commissions . If you attempt to converse with them, they won't explain why THEY didn't bring any potential BUYERS to the house over the past year, they will instead claim the previous realtor didn't *market* the house correctly, or didn't "price it in line with the market".

When 'market prices' have been driven unnaturally downward by bank owned, short-sale, and foreclosure properties, how can one price a home in-line with 'the market' without inadvertently pricing it too low, thereby leaving money on the table at closing. No. I'm going to 'hunker down', and try to wait out the decline in housing. I realize the housing market won't fully recover until the job market recovers - it's a symbiotic relationship - but I'm hopeful things will look better in the spring of 2010.

Oh, and FYI... the count is up to seven (7) Vulture calls as of 10:45am...
update... nine (9) calls by 11:13am...

(Ironic! My phone hasn't rung in two weeks, yet today I'm the carcass du jour...)

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T05:45:00.000-08:00

From my family, to yours [back row: Eric (son#1), Me; middle row: Noah (2nd cousin), Dylan (son#2); front row: Wyatt (son#3), Karen Cowan Clark (my cousin), Joyce (Grannie) Lee]

My meal plans? I found a restaurant open on Madison, and will be there at 2pm. Although I'm glad Joe Pritchard is still doing his annual Thanksgiving potluck for those without family in the area, it's time I let others more needy than I partake of his hospitality. Thanks Joe for opening your home again - You Rock.

Simple Gifts

2009-11-25T13:16:00.000-08:00

This year, I'm thankful for my sons, for health, and happiness... even if I'm not exactly at my happiest at the moment. I'm thankful for having met most of my early goals in life, and hopeful that I'll meet most of my remaining goals.

I'm thankful for family - my mom, and brothers 'back East'. My nieces and nephews - both my brother's sons & daughters, and my niece-and-nephew in-laws - I'm still the father of their cousins whether they like it or not, and I appreciate each of them - they're great kids.

Thank God for the ability to start over... I'm thankful that I have a job in this time when unemployment is over 10%. I'm thankful that I could take my high-tech skills, and work for many companies in the area. I'm hopeful that the current project I'm working on will lead to many new and interesting projects on middle-tier, and handset (iPhone/Blackberry) applications [I'm following a widget called 'Swype' which I think could revolutionize the handset / tablet-PC, and would LOVE to be a part of THAT revolution's evolution].

I'm thankful for the ability to muster up a shred of optimism amidst all the problems I deal with - budget worries, struggling paycheck-to-paycheck, watching my new investment nest-egg grow, shepherding my sons' custodial accounts toward their college educations.

And I'm thankful that I'm still plugging away at that QWERTY... thing. Oh, sure... I'm staring at the glowing rectangle FAR too much - more than 8 hours a day, and that can NOT be healthy... but hey... it's a living.

I'm thankful for Kayla - my dog / daughter / girl-friend... well... she *THINKS* she's my girlfriend, and I hate to break the news to her. She's the 'alpha-bitch' (literally!) of the house, and she knows it. But she's a PRETTY GIRL... and I remind her of it every chance I get.

Memento / Our Hospitality

2009-11-24T10:30:00.000-08:00

Last night watched the Buster Keaton silent film "Our Hospitality", followed by "Memento"... Buster Keaton is an overlooked visual genius - and some of the scenes in Our Hospitality show this - especially scenes on the river, or involving the 'mountain'. Otherwise, the plot was a bit contrived, and predictable here in this 'Hatfields vs. McCoys' hillbilly feud story.

On the other hand, Memento was one of those films that not only kept your attention, but when it was over, made you want to then see it again... in a different... way (or a different order - no spoilers here).

Made contact with my Finnish friend - good to hear that she's doing well. I knew her from her picture right away, even though it's a picture taken from a distance, and showing her from the back & side - not her face. She looks great. I wonder if she has ice tires for that bike? The last semi-contact I had with her she wasn't even involved with... an ABC sports crew was interviewing the parents of Matti Nykänen (the Flying Finn of ski jumping), and the person translating for the news crew sounded like... in fact could ONLY be... my friend's mother. Now I need to mail her the photos of her high school graduation, her family, and BOTH grand mothers. Looking at them, I just didn't have the heart to do either of the typical things: a) put them in another box for the next 25 years, or b) toss them in the trash. Nope. Too much sentimental value in these.

Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation

2009-11-23T13:21:00.000-08:00

Coming to an ABC/Disney channel near you - watch for the Zac Moncrief / Dan Povenmire directed "Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation" special. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is trying to make "Naughty" into "The New Nice" with his 'naught-inator' device, while Phineas and Ferb attempt to turn Danville into a lighted thank you card to Santa.

Dan (a lifelong friend, and fellow high school filmmaker) directs, and produces P&F for Disney, and it's good to track his success - especially since my kids love the show.

Nov 23:

2009-11-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

A short work week - Thursday Thanksgiving Holiday followed by 'Black Friday'. I'm on my own again this year... the boys are with their mom's family in Utah.

Watched a documentary on the 1996 Mount Everest tragedy - Scott Fisher's team members were mostly from Seattle, so it was heavily covered in the local press, and again 10 years later. This film was from PBS/Frontline by the director of the IMAX film made in the days before and after the storm that year. I've never climbed above 12,000 feet, but all that climbing / heavy-breathing makes me long to summit Mount Rainer. Just remember to keep those fingers & toes warm.

Why do we work at jobs doing things we wouldn't do if people didn't pay us? If the things we really loved - like making movies, etc - paid as well, we'd do THOSE things full-time. I guess this also answers the question "Why do employers have to PAY people?"

Nov. 20:

2009-11-20T06:59:00.001-08:00

Wow! Synchronicity is really kicking in... today, I missed my early bus, and caught the express (7 minutes later). On that bus, glancing over from my book, I noticed someone flipping through a binder of sheet music. On a hunch, I glanced over to see if it was in bass clef or treble - and it was bass! I said, "Trombone?", and my fellow passenger said, "Baritone, actually."

I was floored... "Wow! I play Euphonium." I said, and it led to a conversation about the Sounders FC band 'SoundWave'. It's a PAID GIG (!) which for a baritone/euphonium player is a very rare thing. He said they own 6 bell front horns, but only have 4 players. Auditions are in January, so it'll be a while before I can start, but I should figure out where they play next, and either 'sit in', or at least listen.

This could be fun!

Nov 19:

2009-11-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

Yep... twice in one day. Hasn't happened since May, but here we go. Just finished watching "The Opposite of Sex" with Lisa Kudrow and Christina Ricci; a great independent film with interesting characters, not many unpredictable plot twists, but the script, and acting made up for the predictability. Ms. Ricci played a truly reprehensible reprobate - Ms. "Trailer Trash" with a capital 'Bee' - Yotch.

Yes, I'm still working my way through the 1001 Movies list, and the next films on my watch list are 'Memento', 'United 93', 'Adaptation', and 'Live and Become'. I saw 'Chungking Express' earlier in the week, and I really don't understand why (or how) that film made the list.... Oh, sure... Mr. Quintin "I'm-a-God-among-film-makers" Tarantino liked it, and introduces the DVD, but PLEASE. Two disconnected rambling stories. No script, no plot, no likable characters. Come on! Give me characters I can care about! His introduction was almost as unbearable as the introduction to 'Spirited Away' by John Lasseter [how many drinks had HE had while filming THAT intro].

Nov. 19:

2009-11-19T11:40:00.000-08:00

[Ansku reads the paragraph that starts with 'The Box']

I guess the last 'dating related' thing I did was the speed dating thing a couple of weeks ago... since then... nothing. Now that it's no longer a 'dating blog', I can REALLY ramble (since no one's reading anyway... heh heh).

Life got even stranger this week. First, there was the dictate (at work) that we do everything possible, and necessary to kill ourselves to make a ship date. For those of you familiar with agile software development, that goes against the whole principle - you're supposed to commit to what you can produce in a short time frame, and deploy workable software. BUT... In this case, it's more like 'waterfall' where we come up with a plan, and a ship date, and throw everything-but-the-kitchen-sink at the project until we drag our exhausted carcasses to the finish line, get a 'free day off' as special payment, and numbly stagger onward toward the next project. THAT'S what we've been asked to do.

So plans to take a week off in December, and visit relatives in the deep south are right out the window. Now instead of only losing 50 hours of vacation time at the end of the year, I'll lose over 80 hours. joy. Fortunately (?) I can carry 40 hours of paid-time-off into the next year. yay.

Today was even stranger... I left the employ of Amazon.com over 18 months ago... and I still don't understand exactly why... in any case... I got a phone call out of the blue today on my trusty cell phone - the number has been my only number since the mid 1990's, so many people have it - from an employee I hired at Amazon. She let me know that I had a box of 'stuff' that got left at Amazon, and that I should arrange to pick it up. She had no idea I now work 3 blocks away from Amazon, but I explained things, and arranged to meet her at lunch and pick it up.

The Box... it included many magazines, and science fiction collectibles - like a theatrical 'program' from the Battlestar Galactica Movie (1978), and all the Star Trek Poster Magazines from the same time period. There was also a smaller box within that contained old photographs dating from the early 1980's through to 1992 or so. These were VERY interesting to see again, as I thought they were all LOST long ago. Among the pictures were a set of photos sent to me from a very dear friend from Finland - while we were dating once upon a time... Those photos were of her family, their summer cottage on a lake, her brother holding up a large pike, her mother's mother... her... father's mother... wow... I realize that with the health, and stamina of the Finns that the grandmother's are possibly still living, but if they're NOT... these pictures could be precious keepsakes. And here they are in a 'found box'... left at 705 Fifth Ave S... over a year and a half ago.

But... how to locate her. Hmmmm... I tried for years to locate her, but with no success. And I'm not sure I really want to make contact again after all these years... with all that's gone on... marriage... PowerPoint... riches... losses... divorce... starting over... etc.

It makes me want to take a long sauna.... now THAT sounds like a great way to spend an evening!

Nov 16: Goodbye To You

2009-11-16T17:23:00.000-08:00

With the end of summer came the dawning of another realization: I spent my entire summer putting most of my energy toward 'meeting someone'. And as a 'goal oriented person', when that didn't happen, my summer seems like a complete waste.

My youngest son turned 10 years old, and I took him to his first 'concert-like' performance (Jeff Dunham at the Tacoma Dome) as a birthday present. PowerPoint turned 20 years old sometime recently, and I didn't even notice - but I saw a link to a presentation given by David Burne (Talking Heads) featuring photos of the 'Wizards Of Menlo Park' who created PowerPoint, and found pictures of my younger self staring back at me... was I really that chubby?! Why didn't somebody SAY SOMETHING!?!

But those two events got me thinking - retrospectively - about plans, goals for myself, etc, and I realized I had not yet written and completed a SINGLE FILM PROJECT. No 'Zombie Nerds from Outer Space', or 'Outsource This', or 'Wingman', or 'Yellow Brick Shaft', or even 'Walter's Christmas Carol'. And the only thing I have to show for a couple of years of working on other peoples film projects is... well, okay... 3 or 4 completed films with my name in the credits, 3 or 4 still in some state of post-production, and 2 short films from the 48Hour Film Project. That's probably more than I expected. But of the films I've written, and am passionate about... nothing. A completed 'act 1' script (of 3 acts). Some locations picked, and key cast and crew selected, but I'm NO WHERE NEAR beginning production on anything. It looks as if I'll have to SELL 'Zombie Nerds' to get it made - and if actors like Ricky Gervais and Rainn Wilson were cast as the leads, it would be a better film than I could make on my own.

But, but, but.... no script. Instead, I've frittered my time away trying to meet someone so I can get laid. Hell - it's going on two years... I've got to face facts. This isn't a DRY SPELL, this is it. There was a sexual revolution, and I got left behind at the station. Hermitsville. Monk City. Goodbye sex. Goodbye dating. Goodbye hope at being able to meet someone. Now *I'm* one of those people who've "Given Up" on dating in today's freaky singles culture. And it's not because everyone I meet seems to be 'broken' in some major way - i.e. 'insane', or 'overly needy', or 'too much a soccer mom', or 'they come with kids' - but because I realize *I* am the one who's BROKEN.

I'm the guy with three sons - they're my priority, and my sons are NOT going to meet my woman-friend [yes, she's still hypothetical] until I've been seeing her for at least a couple of months. I'm the guy who schleps the boys back and forth to soccer games - leaving at the crack of dawn for the first one, and not getting back home until mid-afternoon. I *DESPISE* all the driving involved, but I grit my teeth, and bear it for the boys - THEY LOVE soccer. And in hindsight, soccer season isn't nearly as long as baseball season - but soccer season weather is always SO RAINY!

I'm the guy who thought marriage was supposed to be 'forever', but who couldn't 'save' it - couldn't make the other person happy, or at least keep them from being constantly 'angry at the world'. Never again.

Taking a breath... (whooooo... sssssss) out with the old.... (ssssssshhhhhhh) in with the new... (aaaaahhhhhhhhh... haaaaaaa... haaaaa... haaaa... ha.. ha.. ha ha ha). This is why I don't *DO* New Years Resolutions. I'd rather adjust life goals on the fly, and make changes as needed. Maybe a good workout will cheer me up...

[P.S. - the workout 'weigh in' was a happy event! I've only gained 3 pounds since end of summer, and after not really working out that much... woo hoo! Now to keep up the workouts through the 'ho ho holidays'... again, not because I enjoy it, but because I *need* to.]

Nov. 4:

2009-11-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

I didn't end up attending the party for the kids - good thing, since it was just 3 teens, 4 pre-teens, and the adults were the boys' mother, and the 'swinger' couple from across the street. Glad I missed it.

Did NOT go to the election night party I was planning to attend - spent the night scratching my dog instead... we both enjoyed that. All the initiatives, and the major races are turning out the way I'd hoped - smart people in Seattle will rule the day.

Still haven't followed up with Sunny regarding the movie Zombieland. I'm over the flu, but have been in a 'funk' ever since the abortive Halloween dance, and not really wanting to face the dating scene - even if it's someone I really like - because now I'm not sure how she's going to perceive me... and it has to be a two way thing for me, or it's a no starter. Measuring the level of interest is key.

Oct 30:

2009-10-30T22:44:00.001-07:00

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, Very Bad Week. First, I went to work on Monday, and was feeling okay, but as the day went on the scratch in my throat became more and more pronounced, and the temperature seemed cooler, and cooler, as - by 11am - my head began to throb. What was up with my arms and legs? Are they aching? And the squirrel in my stomach - when the hell was he going to get off that wheel, and stop running around, and around, squeaking, and squirming... I told my boss I should probably go home, and headed home on the bus as I shivered from chills... and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, Very Bad Week.

Monday night, there were obvious signs of fever. Theraflu does nothing for me except make me sleepy, and lethargic. Tylenol seems to cut the fever, and pain, but keeping track of 4 hour intervals when you can't think straight is a tough proposition. I tried to focus on watching old movies - the ones I hadn't had time to get to at any other time. I watched Harold Lloyd, and Mae West, and W.C. Fields, and D.W. Griffith. And Murnau... WOW!!! Rhymes with Murnau!!! He died at 42, but not before making some of the greatest - albiet SILENT - films in the history of cinema. I liked Nosferatu, and really loved Sunrise, but then saw "The Last Laugh" (the last 'Man' in German), and The Docks of New York, and the Battle of San Piedro... and Day For Night, and by the time the marathon was over, I was exhausted... the end of Tuesday.

Wednesday morning... four o'clock in the morning... I found myself awake, and wondering why I was awake, until I realized the sheets were drenched... yet I didn't exactly feel... bad... any longer. I felt... was this what it felt like to feel... well? Isn't the Swine Flu supposed to last 5 days? Here, I had suffered for only 3 days - really 2-1/2 - and now... had the fever... broken?

When I woke up again, it was sometime before eight, and after toileting the dog, and making tea... it was clear... the fever was gone... chills: a cloudy memory... aches: history. I watched The Tin Drum, and The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp on Wednesday. Colonel Blimp is England's equivalent of "Gone With The Wind", and a great film by the Powell & Pressman team that also brought us "The Red Shoes" - a film brought to light by The Criterion Collection.

Thursday, was my first day back at work, and a day when the 'Big Boss' came out from headquarters to talk to the plebes. Dress code for the day: Absolutely NO JEANS. For me, this means 'wear a power suit'. The talk... Business: going well, we're making our marks, and raises and bonus goals are on-track - the same thing said at a similar pep talk exactly a year ago - and 3 months after, it was announced there would be no raises, no bonuses... (even though the goals were met THEN) So is there credibility in these announcements? Uh... None. So many eyes rolled in the room, I thought the ground was undulating.

Friday, Halloween. 'Big Boss' still in town. Dress code: (what? again?!) No annual Halloween Costumes. No Jeans. For me, this meant 'wear the Dwight Shrute suit'. Got more good work done Friday than Thursday. Friday night, Halloween Dance at Magnuson Park.

WORST THING OF THE WEEK!

Picture a sock-hop / dance at your high school... when you were new to the school. Better yet... picture going to a high school dance... at a high school you never attended. You know NO ONE. Most of them are older than you - the Dreaded BABY BOOMERS! They're shuffling to the same songs they danced to in the late 70's. (Oh, if only I'd followed up on those dance lessons!) But would it have helped? I'm not sure. Awkward - that's the word of the day. So I wandered up into the bleachers to get an overhead view of the dance / gymnasium floor.
Note to self: The Dwight Shrute suit might work as an under-the-radar Halloween costume at The Office, but Dwight is NOT the type of character one wants to exude in a Dating / Dancing situation.
Captain Jack Sparrow, or the 'tattoo armed biker' would have been better. But the pompadour rocker wig and black leather jacket were at home... 15 miles away. Awkward. This was EXACTLY why I became the D.J. at the front of the dance floor when still in High School - I couldn't stand being so... out of place. Then at least I could pick the music, and dance on my own behind the turntables. I was asked to dance by a woman dressed as a... NUN. She was in her 60's!! AWKWARD!! I said I wasn't ready. Then I was pulled out on the floor by a large chested woman with short hair, who was a very good dancer, but who's chest was so large, just putting my arm around her to dance uncomfortably intruded into her private mammary zones. AWKWARD!!!!

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night. Tomorrow night, I've been invited to a Halloween party at the home of my sons. AWKWARD!!!!! What do *I* have in common with a bunch of teenage high school students?! Where's the Sgt. Pepper Band costume when you need it? Oh... packed away with the rest of the stuff when the house was put back on the market. But I can't think about that right now... Fiddle de dee. After All: Tomorrow Is Another Day.

Oct. 25:

2009-10-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting couple of days. Thursday night, I went to a speed dating event in Kirkland benefiting the Leukemia/Lymphoma society. It was my first exposure to speed dating, and it was much less structured, and 'interview like' than I had expected. By the end of the night, I'd had 5 minute 'dates' with 10 different women, and marked 3 of them as 'yes, I'd like to know more'... and in marking those, I felt as if I was being generous, and flexible - no one met even 50% of my criteria... but I was trying to be flexible. All in all, it was... interesting, and something I might consider doing again. The only downside to the evening was that my 'wingman' (Joy) was unable to join the speed-dating part of the night, as there was a shortage of men. Still... she got a chance to speak with several men in the restaurant/bar while the speed-dating part of the evening was going on, and she really did seem disappointed - but only in the number of men who showed up.

This weekend, I spent with my sons - as much as possible. During soccer season, that means Friday night at my house watching a movie, or playing XBox (or both). Saturday morning, two of the boys have games in Bellevue, so we rush across to game one, drop off 1 player, then head across Bellevue to game 2, and drop off player 2. Then it's back across Bellevue to game 1 to catch the end of the game, and pick up layer 1, and drive thru Bellevue once again to return to game two, and pick up player 2... (whew!)

Once that's over, we return home, and hang out watching college football, and movies until late at night. Oh... until we got word that one son had a birthday party to attend... in Redmond... at 7pm Saturday. So it's out to Tar-jay for a gift, then over to Redmond (and back).

Later Saturday night, I got a phone call from Joy... Friday, she had developed symptoms consistent with... H1N1 Swine flu. Yikes!!! I asked her how she felt, and she was feeling terrible - fever, headache, stomach cramps, aches, etc. So some quick internet searches brought up the CDC's website, and the data there shows a 1-4 day 'gestation period' before symptoms appear. Now I've been exposed - although only through hand to hand contact - there was neither hug nor kiss... that's something Joy doesn't "do" not even with her teenage son. But I *was* in the car with her for 30 minutes going to and from Kirkland... would that be enough exposure? Did she cough, or sneeze at all (not that I recall)...

Sunday morning. I thought better of the 'exposure' issue, and called the boys' mother, and let her know that I'd been exposed to someone with swine flu. She wanted to come pick up the boys right away, and she did. Only, in their rush to get back to Bellevue, son #3 left HIS soccer equipment in my car, and HIS game was scheduled for SUNDAY at 1:15pm... plus, player #1's gear was still in a heap in the laundry room, and NOT in his gym bag (which was on it's way back to Bellevue). This meant another trip across to Bellevue to drop off gear. This time Kayla wanted to come along for the ride, so she stuck her nose out the window most of the way, and was very happy by the time we returned home an hour later.

Next, I got the e-mail results of the speed dating on Thursday. Results? There were no 'matches' - none of the 3 women I marked as potential dates marked *me* as a potential date. So what was up with that 'Li', and her twirling her hair the entire time we talked? I thought at least SHE would mark 'yes'... I wasn't going to mark 'yes' next to her at all, except that I saw that, and was amazed at the 'yes, yes' body language presented by that flicking of the hair.

So, I'm considering dressing as a monk for Halloween... mostly to get accustomed to the outfit, as it seems I may have to get accustomed to wearing one of those... what is it exactly... a brown mumu? Or is it like the medieval 'snuggly'? But the tonsure... (that shaved circle in the crown of the head) I have to draw the line at that - NO tonsure for me, thanks.

But the question remains: How long have I been unknowingly driving the anti-weinermobile?

[Oh... and the H1N1 symptoms? So far: Nothing definitive. That squirrel in my stomach might have been from not eating lunch, and only eating dry Top Ramen noodles (again)... I'll keep my distance at work, and keep an eye on my overall-feel-good quotient.]

Oct 16:

2009-10-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

Unconventional Conventionists.

So, I'm at a local two day convention. It's not a 'Sons of the Dessert', or science fiction, fantasy, or political. It's not even one of those conventions where you get to wear fezzes and give weird, convoluted handshakes, and dance all night with women you barely know. And most attendees are in their twilight years - I'd say less than 10% are under 50.

And today will be spent mostly talking about budgets, and how tight the economy is, and how a community of faith can (and must) respond in difficult economic times. The irony is that the hotel is a $100+/room/night hotel, and yet we'll spend most of the day talking about economic scarcity. It's easy to take the 'scarcity' mindset, as in: "Money is tight, and there is none around", but I know different. There is a SEA of money out there just waiting to be put to use. But convincing people to pull the money out of their mattresses, and make it work for themselves, and the community is the hard part. And if I knew how to get people to do that, then "Making Your Mark" (a documentary I'm producing) wouldn't be struggling for money - instead, we'd be in the running at Sundance in January. Oh well, San Diego Film Festival will have to do...

Cleaning the car...

2009-10-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

[The passenger compartment, at least. I'm saving the trunk for the next time I'm near a dumpster.] When cleaning out my car, I'm usually pretty sure what I'll find in the front passenger floorboard - trash, empty coffee cups, and junk mail that hasn't yet made it to the recycling bin. Friends have joked about the stuff in my front floorboard, and it even made it into a scene in "Zombie Nerds From Outer Space" when Bob complains to Larry that he: "Can't even sit down until I take out the trash". Larry replies, "Most of that stuff is going to recycling. *I'M* saving the planet". Bob holds up a CoffeeHaven cup, and says, "And I suppose this is going back to the Coffee House? hmmmph... P.C. Garbage".

So most of the stuff in the passenger side went to the recycling bin. But the backseat... that's where even *I* fear to tread. It's the combination of 3 boys, and limited time with their father that really contributes to the collection of junk back there. I asked last night if they had seen a new tennis ball back there for Kayla (my canine 'daughter'), and they said, "oh, no", and were correct. There wasn't *A* tennis ball back there... there were *TWO* brand new, un-sullied/un-slobbered spheroidal neon-yellow-squirrels-without-the-fluffy-tail-that-fit-in-the-ChuckIt(tm). I didn't find some of the paperwork I was looking for, but that's okay - it was evidently recycled at some point. I'll fore-go mentions of the desiccated french fries, and half-full soda cups... but it's funny to me that neither of these 'food' items grows any 'life' (culture, mold, etc.) no matter how long my back-floorboard science project is left to ferment. Fortunately, for now - the lab is again unsullied, uncluttered, unadulterated, underwhelming and I like it that way.

Playing a euphonium (am I *really* going to admit that here...) limits my trunk space. Yes, I'm a musician in addition to everything else, but not one of those 'smokes & drinks too much' musical types. I play an instrument that either fits well as a solo instrument, or with a wind ensemble/orchestra, and almost nowhere in between. And there isn't much call for a euphonium - even when it was mentioned in "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium", it was used as a euphemism (really!) to show the depth of whimsicality embodied by Dustin Hoffman's character. I'm scheduled to play at the Hilton in Vancouver, WA this weekend, and the depth of the sonorous tone is well suited to the occasion.

Oct 14:

2009-10-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

From an old, dear friend on FaceBook:
"Well, you do have a more interesting life than the rest of us. But why do you dislike on-line dating? Your blog makes it sound fun!"

Because it mostly involves sitting at home... ALONE... staring at a computer screen... 'grazing' through the photos of women... and trying to see if the one's you like *visually* (we are such visual creatures) have something in their profile that in some way matches with your 'criteria'.

But it's the 'sitting at home alone staring at a screen' that gets me. I stare at a computer screen ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, and it's the LAST thing I want to do in my spare time. I'd rather GET OUT THERE, and try new things.

So I go to Meetup.com events, and concentrate on having a great time, doing new things, or fun things or DIFFERENT things (viva la difference!) and meeting new and fascinating women as a fringe benefit. I've met some new people, but only 3 in the past summer that have wowed me.

One - I'll call her (hmmm... a collocation of lexical synonyms... AH!) - Meander - is on the right-side of the IQ bell curve... out in the 'tail end of the last percentile' as I like to call it - which I *LIKE* ;-) she's not a redhead, even though "Redheads are my weakness". I also met Sunny through meetup that I like, she's from Georgia, but I have no idea how old she is, (and it doesn't really matter that much - and only spoke with her once. And there's Joy, more of a Wingwoman than a serious love interest - mostly because she's not ready for a serious love interest. Her divorce was final VERY RECENTLY, and she's still feeling out her newfound freedom. I met her ex at an event, and guessed that he was her ex (correctly)... and I actually LIKE the guy... no, not in that way - I'm just not wired that way - even though some people think it's "hip to be gay" - come on, folks... for most people, it's a hardwired thing. For others, it's a seeking out of other 'loving people', and they happen to find a same-sexed-soul who is more love giving than the opposing gendered people in their lives.

Finally (whew!), I referenced the May 30th post where I summed up my feelings on on-line dating. Or was it sometime after that when I discovered the dichotomy in the oxymoron "On-line" (computer, alone, at home) "Dating" (in-person, with someone else, usually not at home).

- - - - - - - - - -

This afternoon, as I got off the bus, the autumn breeze wafted some stray fallen leaves past the curb. Just as I stepped off, I smelled that WONDERFUL smell of positive ions, or drying pavement just after a rain storm, or 'after the boys of summer have gone', with a hint of sea salt off Puget sound. Stir, simmer, and drink with two queen olives on a swizzle stick.

My oldest son LOVES the smell just after a rainstorm, and he's convinced he could make a fortune if he could only figure out a way to bottle that smell, and sell it as a cologne, or perfume. Yep... he's my son alright.

I've been worried all afternoon about the wife of a dear friend who underwent surgery today for a benign growth on her ovaries. The prognosis is good, but that doesn't make the surgery any less daunting. So I've been praying for her and the family, and trying to align the positive forces in the universe to help smooth her recovery (yes, Noetic science).

I'm not sure what's on tap film-wise tonight. Last night was "Return of the Secacus 7", and I was underwhelmed. Oh, the performances were good, and the production values were nil... my kind of independent movie... but I didn't see any true growth in the characters. None of them changed that much from the start of the film to the film's end, even though there were revelations about love, sex, money, fame... the usual. It was CLEARLY the model for "The Big Chill" a few years later, and the latter film had that great soundtrack which Secacus 7 lacked.

TMIFN

Oct. 13:

2009-10-13T17:43:00.000-07:00

My whole approach to being a single adult is working from a mindset of 'plenty' rather than of scarcity. Activities abound here - so many people are looking for things to do, that there's always a Salsa class, or kayak paddle, or 'movie night' around.

Mid-day, I try to get out and about in Pioneer Square. It always amazes me that tourists' have NO IDEA that Seattle's buses are FREE downtown until 7pm daily. So you see them hoofing it for blocks, and blocks with maps out, seeking something all the way across town... Bruce Lee's grave on Capital Hill no doubt... NOT a place *I've* personally visited, thanks... too creepy .

My post here "You Are What You Drive" with the picture of the Weinermobile has made the rounds on Google, and generated lots of hits. Hope you're enjoying the ride. Mustard, anyone? ;?>

I've been seeing more of the 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die (from the book of the same name). Oh, I'm not going to slog through the whole list one-at-a-time, but WILL use the list to fill in the NetFlix queue now that it's flagging. I've been PLEASANTLY SURPRISED at the films I've seen recently. Last night, it was "Trouble In Paradise" (1932) - a 'pre-code' film directed by the German director who contributed the 'Hollywood look' to films - Ernst Lubitsch - a director I hadn't really (gulp!) heard of until this film. It was GREAT! Intelligent, witty, and didn't pander. It begs the question: what happened between 1932 and today? Why is there such a low-bar on Hollywood film today, appealing to the lowest of the low common denominator. It was a fun romp, and although the main characters were thieves, you never see them actually *steal* anything. Only the result after the thievery... Highly recommended.

Oct. 11:

2009-10-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

So... I've been getting various 'Facebook' requests from people for quite a while now, and today I finally broke down and created a page there. It's not even 24 hours old, and it's already collecting cobwebs.

Or as one of my more respected, and astute friends put it: "Welcome to the 20th Century".

Well said....

Date Off:

2009-10-08T16:57:00.001-07:00

I had this idea for a 'different kind' of on-line dating website - it would be a way for a person who's dating people to do more than 'Scout' for potential partners. On-line Dating services (Match.com, PlentyOfFish, OkCupid, etc) have the 'scouting' part down to a [pseudo] science.

But while the 'Scouting' is straight forward, the same websites don't make the 'Sorting' easy. How do you create a personal ranking of the people you've scouted online, and make them COMPETE for the prize: YOU?

My thought would be to use a sweet-sixteen-like "tournament" grid (play-off bracket) where you sort those scouted from the website into one-on-one 'Date Off' ranks. Drag-and-drop them into picture frames pairing them up against each other.

Review the profiles of that first row - the 16 - 'Screen' their profiles against each other. From what they've written, pick one profile over the other, and move the 2nd place profile into a slot in the top row of the 'runner-up' bracket. Leave the runner-up bracket for a while, and focus on the top 8 from this first 'Screen'.

This way your potential dates are competing against each other for your affection, you're being the Chooser, and selecting which person moves to the next level. In the 2nd row, you should now have 8 people to contact. Send each of them an e-mail, and tell them you like their profile, and would like to meet in person over coffee/lunch to see if there's mutual interest. Candi-dates (candidates ;?> ) will self-select out at this point by not responding, OR by agreeing to meet.

Set up an in-person meeting with everyone who responds, and use that coffee-date to get a reading on YOUR level of interest in THEM. Rate the interest level as Low, Medium, or High. Likewise, get a reading on THEIR interest in YOU - Low, Medium or High. How can you tell if they're interested? They're looking in your eyes, and listening when you speak, talking the same amount as you, and 'engaged' in the conversation. But if they're scanning the room, distracted by the big-screen tv, or checking their cell phone, interest is LOW... but don't worry: there are 8 more where the first date off candi-dates came from.

TAKE NOTES! Be sure and include your best guess at interest level, and move the higher interest person into the Winners Circle bracket. If more than one person ends up in the winner's circle, you have multiple dinner / waterfront dates to make.

Take the final 2-to-4 people out to dinner somewhere close to a walking path, waterfront, or park. After dinner, get out and explore the area together. Do NOT be tempted to pay ten-bucks for the right to Sit next to them, but be UNABLE to speak for 2 hours... in a dark room... (i.e. NO MOVIES ON FIRST DATES!) Instead, explore new shop windows, or wander through the park, or re-discover an area you enjoy. The key is to explore TOGETHER, and learn about each other in the process.

When you get home, follow up with an email, or text thanking them for a great evening. Take notes! What about this person most resonates with you, and meets your 'criteria'?

You DO have a set of criteria... what you're looking for... RIGHT?!?! Be Careful - you'll get what you're looking for. If you're not sure what you're looking for, you'll find it. Something so unsure you won't be sure when you've not sort-of kind-of found something close to it... him... her... them[?]... maybe.

If you get through the entire first bracket, and have time left over, review the runner-up bracket. Follow the same plan: Email (8), Coffee (4), Date (2). Eventually, you'll have a short-list. Date the one(s) who best match(es) your partner criteria. [Then ask her if she's got a girlfriend for me! Seriously! You should 'Scout' and 'Sort' for your friends because YOU know what YOUR FRIEND's want almost as much as they do].

And most importantly... Be Happy! Only YOU can make yourself happy. Have Fun Out There!

Oct. 7:

2009-10-07T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to kiss and tell... not that there's been a lot to TELL about ;?> So, if you see me mention someone by name, you can assume it's a nom-de-plume. You know... a movie with Joy, tea with Sunny. Imagine my delight at meeting Sunny at a Meetup event that I almost didn't show up for. And after showing up, I was on the way out the door when Sunny showed up, and the rather crowded, dark bar on 4th Ave at Spring street seemed to fill with light, and life. I could tell there was something behind those smiling eyes that demanded further exploration. Tea at Zeitgeist provided the opportunity. We met after work recently, and almost an hour flew by! And I'm left wanting to know more... and that's not very typical. I can only hope the feeling is mutual.

- - - - - - - -

American Splendor has been one of those movies in my NetFlix queue for quite a while. I'm not sure why I added it - but now I've added it to my list of best-films ever. It joins 'Music Within', 'Beach Party', 'Groundhog Day', 'The New Interns', 'Little Children', and others...

American Splendor is the story of Harvey Pekar, and his life as 'Joe Average' file clerk with the Veteran's Administration in Cleveland, Ohio. It started as a comic book series created by Harvey, and a series of artists (starting with Crumb, who has a movie of his own... but that's another topic). Paul Giamatti's take on Harvey Pekar was fabulous - perennially rumpled, always messy, and a neurotic collector with obsessive compulsive disorder. The film character's movements between the film world, and the quasi real-world including the real Harvey Pekar in a stylized all-white file cabinet room, and a comic book-like world of blank white paper walls with stark horizon lines depending alternately the floor, and the 'frame' of a comic panel.

But what really hooked me was a simple scene when Giamatti was answering a letter from a neurotic comic-book store clerk in Baltimore - she was asking for a copy of the latest issue of the "American Splendor" comic, when it became clear that their neuroses'es (???) were going to be compatible. I laughed out loud, and realized that yes... there's a woman out there for Harvey Pekar. And if there's a RGW (really great woman) for a slovenly, sloppy guy like Harvey, then there MUST be someone out there who's just right for ME.

But does this mean I need to hone the ying/yang of my neurosis's to a potential partner's neurotic tendencies?

Oct. 6:

2009-10-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, OK. I gave up. The weather, and the need to dig out the early winter coat was all the convincing I needed. Summer is over, and the leaves are turning, and it's a great time to be alive, and experience the change of seasons. And yes, I'm happy about it.

On another topic...

I was recently asked why any discussions about my divorce seemed to revolve around the financial fallout of that process. Why haven't I covered the emotional side of my divorce...

In my Online Dating blog? Seriously?!?!

From one perspective, you could see where this isn't likely to be a topic I'd like to discuss on a coffee-date (or even a sit-down-dinner-and-movie-date for that matter). So why would it be reasonable to cover in a blog?

Hmmmm... Turn that thought on it's head, and you could see where the blog should be THE ONLY place to cover the emotional black hole that was my divorce exactly because I'm NOT likely to cover it on a date, nor do I think a potentially 'Really Great Woman' [from my on-line dating mission statement "Really Great Guy Seeks Really Great Woman"] would want to spend face-time discussing my divorce.

Marriage counseling turned out to be a marital 'Performance Improvement Plan' (or PIP). A PIP is one of those personnel 'programs' in the 'manager toolbox' for giving flagging employees a 'wake-up call' to either shape up, or ship out. Just as the PIP at work which I experienced 'back in the day' was a 'personal hell' for me that turned into an emotional black hole - an inner circle of purgatory where (and when) I became unsure whether my technical career and life's work was valid, or if my life was worth less than the spittle on the gum on the bottom of God's shoe. So was my divorce a 'wake-up-call' to realize that my emotional life, happiness and well being IS MINE, and I have a right to not only be the breadwinner in my household, but also deserve to attempt to enjoy LIFE while at the process of being the breadwinner, head of household, et.al. while I'm on about it.

Just as the PIP was a workaholic nightmare of 90 hour weeks for 3 months until I was SURE I was doing what my manager wanted. The next months were spent trying to decipher what of all the extra things I was doing could be cut from my work schedule. "Lead, follow, or get out of my way" was the only advice my manager gave at that time. So I dutifully followed, every accomplishment of mine was put on my manager's "accomplishment" list for their performance review, and in the process I made myself indispensable to the team. Then as quickly as I could, I transferred to another business unit in the company where I would never have to make that particular manager 'look good' again.

From that experience, I learned a great deal. I learned never to take the work 'personally' again. I am NOT my work, and if others criticize my work, they're not criticizing me or my abilities, but only the performance of the specific tasks at hand. The bad part of that is... it's easier to tear something (or someone) down than it is to build them up. One can always find faults with the performance of others - it's the unintended consequence of management training. Have I had to do it? Oh yeah. Do I enjoy it? I'd ALWAYS rather help an employee BUILD their career, but it's often just as important to demonstrate to an employee that they're in the wrong career for their skillset. So when I DO have to find fault with someone, I try to do so in a constructive, holistic way.

But "The Anger" - a more than tangible, an almost sentient thing - I was experiencing at home... "The Anger" with me always 'the target'; me as focus of - an irrational, viscous acrimony over random, unexplainable trivia. Anything and everything was a potential new subject for unrequited belligerence. THAT was ultimately what did the marriage in. I could no longer force myself into the cross-hairs of that "stream of animosity". But in removing myself as the focus of "the anger", my biggest concern (to this day) is that my sons might now be the target of that malice.

So was marriage counseling a 'wake-up call' - if it did nothing else, it brought "The Anger" into the spotlight - and it quickly became clear that the marriage was broken. So I no longer question my abilities as a husband and a father. I was only half the problem at best (and probably much less than half the problem). My spouse's problems with alcohol and undiagnosed depression combined with my attempts to be 'Mr. Fix It', and solve all problems whatever the cause, cost in terms of money, time, attention, and pie-pieces of my soul sacrificed to the emotional black hole that was my so-called-marriage, presented an insurmountable wall of emotional baggage which defied even the most valiant attempts at rational solution.

About the booze... It was a battle I did NOT want to fight, so I bit my tongue, and made sure it never came up in the divorce discussions. I did NOT want to go there. I did NOT want to deal with the denials and the new dimension of emotional hell that discussion would have opened.

Instead, I focused on winning a battle that was a win-win - to win the battle of selling the 'big house' that's too large for a single-parent. Explaining how everyone would be better off - and support $$ available to be spent on things like the children, food, etc rather than going straight to a too-large mortgage - all by simply selling the 'big house', and using the built up equity to purchase two smaller houses paid-for-in-cash. I picked the battle I *thought* I could rationally win - but in the end, I didn't even win that one. Yes, I'm still paying two mortgages, and neither household has any cash for incidental expenses.

It would have been impossible to win the 'You're an alcoholic and need to come to terms with it' battle. *THAT* problem was Not *MY* "River In Egypt" (i.e. 'Not My De Nile'). Not *MY* Addiction. Not *MY* Intervention.

Instead, I've spent my Carma allotment for the past 3 years collecting, and rebuilding the remaining shards of my soul that haven't been sucked into the emotional black holes to-date, and built a life for myself, and my sons that is showing signs of something like an "all around good". I'm willing to open up again, and share my happiness with someone else. Right now, my sons, and dog Kayla are the focus of much of my joy. Yet I find there's joy left over.

Love and happiness are a funny combination that way. The more you make, the more there is to spread around to (and with) others.

Aug 53rd:

2009-10-03T13:17:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I decided I wasn't yet ready to send the summer of 2009 off to the history books, so I donned a tasteful (yes, they exist) Hawaiian shirt, a sting of hooka shells (so much for 'taste', eh?), and set off for one more day of summer.

As I was trying to explain to the incredulous checker at PCC that summer wasn't over - and 'it's a state of mind thing', she said, "Yes, this is a great September". I shot back... 'Oh NO! We're still in August-thank-you-very-much'. She said, "Then it must be August 52nd".

Tonight, there's a beach bonfire scheduled at Golden Gardens park - I'm planning on bundling up, because I think someone left their air conditioner on, and their door open wide. Silly energy wasters! Will I make the Northwest Tea festival at Seattle Center? The jury is still out... ;?>

I left a movie suggestion for a fellow filmmaker friend today - my current favorite film "Music Within"... here's what I wrote there...

Just added 'Requiem For a Dream (2000)' to my NetFlix queue - thanks for the suggestion.

Here's one for you: "Music Within (2007)". A bio-pic covering the life of Richard Pimental where great performances on a shoe-string budget prevail. Yet the Hollywood marketing machine had no idea how to promote this film so it flopped badly. When even the DVD box looks like a cross between a shameless romcom rip off (i.e. "The Holiday") and a feel-good holiday movie (i.e. "The Family Stone"), one begins to see why no-one got the opportunity to 'Get This One'. Hardly anyone saw it, much less 'got' it.

The film doesn't cover the protesters ditching wheelchairs at the base of the US Capital Building steps, and crawling up to the entrance, but an unexpected slice-of-life film where things never turn out exactly as we might hope... sounds like life to me.

Oct 2:

2009-10-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

Has it really been a WEEK since I posted here?! Wow... time flies like an arrow! (Fruit Flys like a banana) ;?>

Last night, I went to a downtown happy hour at Sazerac - I had a cosmo, and nibbled on the free appetizers. But the worrisome thing was the way the bill was being handled... I paid for my drink in cash because of it... the concern was they weren't accepting payment from the 25-30 people as drinks were being served, meaning the restaurant was keeping one-unified-bill. And for those drinks & happy hour menu items that weren't paid for by individuals as they came out, the event organizers would get stuck with the bill at the end of the event. I'm hoping that didn't happen, but the stage was being lavishly set for such a 'final act', all the way down to the good time being had by all right up until the time I left. At some point in the evening, all the light seemed to evaporate from the room, and there was clearly no good reason to stay. I met some interesting people, but didn't go home with any phone numbers - there were no 'goals'... I just wanted to have something to do other than watch movies, or [heaven forbid] spend time on the on-line dating sites.

Speaking of on-line dating... I haven't had an email in my inbox from those sites for well over a month. No activity, and I'm not really worried about it. On the other hand, I've been having a LOT OF FUN going to Meetup events - last night's happy hour, the kayak paddles, volunteer opportunities, revitalizing Denny and Cascade parks. That was great. And my glut is healing nicely - it's at the point where there's no frank pain, just a dull ache when stretched to certain positions. Now I can move on to stretching, and strengthening again (TGFT)!

I'm looking forward to a wet, and rainy weekend - it'll be nice for a change. I can make like a plant, and soak up the life-giving rain, then go in, warm up, and finish reading "The Lost Symbol", or watching something else off the '1000 Movies You Must See Before You Die' list (but I'm not blogging about that). I'd love to have someone to cuddle up with as I watch, but will not settle. If no one responds to my invitation, I'll rescue Kayla from her 'house for sale' vacation, and cuddle up with her... but that means popcorn (she LOVES popcorn). And Popcorn means I'll have to break out the bike Saturday to burn those calories. A ride in the rain? I could go for that... ;?>

Sept. 25:

2009-09-25T10:09:00.001-07:00

Wienermobile: Or... You Are What You Drive?

A few weeks ago, I spotted the actual rolling advertising icon, The "Oscar Mayer Weinermobile". For those of you born in the 21st century, the Weinermobile is a custom car shaped like a hot dog sitting atop a yellow mustard colored 'bun'. It's one of six (6!) V8 powered frankfurters that drive around the United States and Canada promoting an American icon right up there with baseball, apple pie, and the bankrupt Chevrolet. There are not that many truly iconic vehicles that make me want to have a picture taken in the drivers seat: The 1966 Batmobile, The Monkeemobile, The Movie Batmobile(s), and the 1979 DeLorean/Time-Machine from Back To The Future.

But the 'Weinermobile' is unique among these in that it was designed primarily, and strictly as an advertising 'vehicle'. And in keeping with the 'verbalizing' of America - just as 'Google' is not only a noun, but also a Verb... "I googled weinermobile today"... so too is the word 'weinermobile' in my mind a word symbolizing all 'rolling-ad-vehicles'. You've seen them: Red Bull, graphic-wrapped busses. Weinermobiles.

Recently, the bank started a program where employees can volunteer to promote the bank by getting their car wrapped in bank colors, and logos. You may have seen them already outside Sounders games, in the parking lot at the local dog-park... wherever. I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to turn the silver TDI Jetta 'biodiesel' (with the chrome logo lettering 'BIODIESEL', and the chrome chachki 'trek-fish' - as in... "It's not about creationism OR evolution [or Noodly Appendages for that matter]... it's about THE FUTURE - somewhere we're ALL hoping to live... together") into a 'weinermobile' for my company. Oh, the ~$300 cash/month would be nice. And I don't have a problem with following the rules of the road - within speed limits, etc. It's the removal of the 'biodiesel' logo, and the 'Trek-fish' that kept my vehicle in it's factory colors. I have a window sticker or two (SeaHawks, Crimson Tide, Episcopal Church) in addition to the extra chrome paraphernalia. Oh, if there were only a chrome & black bumper icon of Terry Pratchetts' "anthropomorphic personification"...

Besides... The Batmobile=Batman. The Monkeemobile=The Monkees. The Weinermobile=A weiner? None for me, thanks... I'm driving!

Sept. 24:

2009-09-24T15:53:00.000-07:00

Spending the night in the same basement bedroom where you spent the final 2 years of your marriage is a surreal experience. Confronted not only by the house projects that need doing [simple things that would drive me crazy because they're such quick fixes - loose kitchen faucet, bulbs need replacing, etc.], but also by an overwhelming sense of how new and opulent the house feels compared to the cramped 90 year old house in West Seattle. Still... Kayla (my dog) is really enjoying herself.

I discovered the '1001 Movies You Should Watch Before You Die' list, and was surprised by the sheer number of noteworthy films I've not yet seen. During the past 3 years, I've spent a lot of time critiquing cinema with an eye toward trying to improve my own story telling, and find something new to say cinematically with my own filmmaking projects. Last night, I watched a few of the silent classics from the list “A Trip To The Moon”, and re-watched “The Great Train Robbery”. I started watching “Les Vampyres”, a serialized silent film in 10 parts. I think I'll stick with the modern films since the slow pacing of these early silent classics make them almost impossible to sit through without sitting on the fast-forward button. One big caveat there...

I am NOT collecting films, nor attempting to see every film under the sun. Life is too short to fritter it away chasing lists of what someone else thinks is a great film. The intent is to use the list to pick from among great films when there's not an obvious choice of something to watch. I'm not a 'compulsive collector' in that way. But SPEAKING of NetFlix...

Another annoying thing happened at the office this week. Because the company I work for is owned by a bank, the bank's internet security squad tends to be somewhat authoritarian about which websites can and can not be browsed from a workstation desktop via the bluecoat web filter system. But to make up for this the company provides public 'kiosk' PC's on each floor from which to view personal email (like gmail, hotmail, etc) – of course, these kiosks filter out some web addresses that they shouldn't (like the online dating site OkCupid.com for example… big brother, please fix that!). This week, however, the 'blue coat bandits' went TOO FAR, and stole our ability to adjust our NetFlix Queues from a workstation desktop!!! Oh, I could understand if they wanted to block the on-line movie viewer… but the DVD queue?!?! Give me a break.

Sept. 22:

2009-09-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

Mental Hygiene.

Although my right gluteus maximus is strained / pulled / painful - you read that correctly: I literally have a 'pain in the ass' - my mental hygiene seems to be just fine. On opening the mental floss cabinet, the resulting waft of air - though accompanied by a somewhat dank, musty smell [disuse?], shows no sign of rot, depravity, or self-loathing. The sane-o-meter shows green, as does the luciditometer, and the humorometer. Although I don't like to look at the humorometer... it can get old so quickly... probably needs more steam, or a new LED light to replace the burned out incandescent blinky light.

I'm thoroughly convinced that blackberries, iPhones, and iPods should be outlawed in bars and restaurants. Last night, the female/male ratio was great, but they were all clicking, and looking down at those tiny screens. I'm sure the next 'new old thing' will be an eyesight syndrome based on 'blackberry vision'. Oooooo... how about a line of those drug-store reading glasses repackaged specifically for PDA users. I'm sure SOMEONE has thought of this before. We could donate the proceeds to a fund to provide glasses to children (and adults) without access to descent opthamalogical care - starting right here in the USA. It was appalling to me to see the throngs of people who turned out this summer for free dental & medical care from RAM (Remote Area Medical Foundation) at their MASH-like 'field hospital' setup in the Los Angeles Staples Center. You want another sign that our health care system needs drastic reform? That was one of the best examples I've seen.

Sept. 21:

2009-09-21T18:08:00.001-07:00

So what happened between early Sept. and now? Beatles Rock Band.

Yes, I picked up Beatles Rock Band for myself and my sons, and we've been having a great time playing, and singing Beatles tunes. They were a little blown away when I moved the difficulty straight to 'hard' on the vocals, then scored 100% on 4 out of 5 songs. It's a pity "If I Fell" isn't in the song-list... it's one of my favorites.

I saw the movie "Happy Endings" recently, and one scene early on had one of the women singing karaoke to Billy Joel's "Honesty" - I heard it, and thought... "I can sing that"... so I found it on YouTube, and gave it a try. I think being able to connect to the sentiment makes the lyric, and performance ring just that much truer, so next time there's a karaoke night, you can be sure I'll sing it.

Saturday, "This American Life" covered the story of Mark Whitacre, and his bizarre [but TRUE] story of how ADM was involved in fixing global pricing for the amino acid Lysine. The radio story was from 1999, and the events covered in the story were made into a comedy - "The Informant" - starring Matt Damon. It was an elegantly choreographed story with complex overtones, and rich deeper meanings - some of which were only hinted at in the film. But to have heard some of the actual hidden microphone tapes, then to see the same scenes dramatized in the movie served to add a bizarre, almost surreal, flavor to the epic story. Mr. Whitacre had some mental health issues to deal with... but in his own mind, he was the only sane one in the room. He was so deep in 'That River in Egypt', that he could not conceive of a world where his whistle blowing might cost him his job. On the contrary, he envisioned a future with himself rising quickly up the ranks to be President or CEO of ADM once all the 'evil price fixers' were locked away for their nefarious price fixing schemes. But his insistence on cleaning every leaf from his driveway by running the leaf blower at 2am... that was perfectly rational.

If you need a good laugh, check it out.

Sept. 20:

2009-09-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

Two Days, Two Triathlons. Not as a participant, but as a kayak 'swim rescue' volunteer. Saturday was the MMLF triathlon (tri, tri, and tri again) at Cottage Lake in Woodinville. It was rainy, and cold, but still worth getting up at the crack-of-dawn-thirty.

As for today, sunny and warm for the Trekwomen Triathlon in Lake Washington. Saul was there with the kayaks, and around 15 other volunteers for kayaks. Add to that the 20-40 lifeguards, and the 1000+ participants, and you begin to get an idea of the mass of wonderfully healthy, happy people on the water this morning. What a GREAT DAY! Say Mary Meyers again, and her dog (the MM in MMLF is for Mary Meyers). She was a kayak / lifeguard supporter today - I need to ask her for another 'swag-hat' from the MMLF triathlon because at least one other person is threatening to steal mine... they like it that much.

So the load-out went smoothly, and I just got dropped off at the Greenlake Starbucks. I'm composing here while the Disney photos (from 3 weeks ago - WOW where has the time GONE!) upload to Costco for printing. Enjoy the sun!

Sept. 6:

2009-09-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

I bought myself a new bicycle today - it's a Schwinn Jaguar 7-speed 'beach cruiser' bike. I had to buy some accessories, and from that, I can tell the bike is going to demand more, and more. First it was the water bottle holder, cable lock, and headlight. Next it's going to be a rear rack/shelf, and fenders.

But I can't wait to take it on a trip. Tomorrow I'm going to ride downtown, and maybe ride up to Seattle Center, and check out Bumbershoot. ;?> (How much are tickets to Bumbershoot, anyway?)

Tonight, it's NetFlix View Instantly, and popcorn with Kayla... my 4-legged daughter. (yes, she's a VERY pretty girl - something she always wants to be reminded of).

Sept. 5:

2009-09-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

Last night, attended an end-of-summer party at Gasworks Gallery in Ballard to support Mashedpotatoes.org (i.e. Northwest Harvest foodbank). I took a 5 pound bag of russets, but wasn't really in the right mood to be meeting people. I went home from work exhausted, started to watch a DVD from NetFlix before the party, and about an hour before, was nodding off... so I took a quick nap. That 30 minutes was refreshing, but I woke up feeling lethargic, and not really ready to mingle. Forced myself out anyway, and saw plenty of people there - a good male/female ratio as well - but not many I found interesting. I would rather like to meet someone there who I saw just as I was leaving... Julie, I think... If it's meant to be, we'll meet again.

I'm feeling a bit silly about insisting there's 'someone out there I can get along with'... discouraged is the word of the week. So, I'm turning away from the 'dating' goals - they're not working anyway. I haven't yet met the woman to make love with 10,000 times - the 'marathon woman' who's more interested in long-ies than 'quickies'. I'm going to continue to focus on doing things I want to do: cycle the Iron Goat trail, hike the mountains before they get icy, and joining a dance lesson class. I might even consider joining a community band, and dusting off the ol' brass instrument.

And the travel last week was great. Now I'd really like to visit Disneyland in California again. Would it be a good place to go solo? hmmm... I'm betting I would be 'traveling solo, but never alone'. Could be fun.

Sept. 2.1:

2009-09-02T20:41:00.000-07:00

What is up with GMail tonight? I can't get to my inbox to save my life. Are they really repeating their mistakes of Tuesday, and overloading their load balancers? Come one guys - get some business and operational sense: Learn from your mistakes.

I just realized my laptop has been running on batteries for at least an hour - I forgot to plug in the 'brick'... I'm trying to minimize my 'phantom power' usage so much that I always unplug the power bricks, phone chargers, etc. and have the TV/Computer on 'Smart Strips'. But to forget to plug it in... Doh!

Well, I've spent more time with the on-line dating sites this week than I'd planned - so now I'm looking forward to the Gasworks Gallery end of summer party Friday night at 8pm (via Meetup.com). From the list of 'yes' RSVP's to-date, it looks like it will be a good crowd. See you there!

Sept. 2:

2009-09-02T06:40:00.000-07:00

I'm back from a week in the Florida sun, and an amazing time traveling with my sons, my mother, and my long-lost cousin from the UK's channel islands. Two days in the Magic Kingdom, two at Epcot, and one day split between Universal's "Islands of Adventure", and "Universal Studios Florida". We must have walked 10 miles each day, and it felt great to be out and about, and enjoying life with family.

The first two days back were spent getting a handle on issues at work. Last night I finally had time to get a descent haircut - so my hair is short again, and not soaking wet as it is in the photo I just uploaded from "Islands of Adventure" at Wimpee's hamburger stand. ("I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today")

In the on-line dating front, I read a VERY INTERESTING profile last night, and made the mistake of replying late after a long and tiring day... why doesn't OKCupid have a 'recall' button? I felt as if I was pouring my heart out, or at least that's what I was strangely compelled to do... but this morning I can't even bring myself to re-read it. I'm sure I wasn't at my best, and probably come across as a rambling idiot savant instead of a stable, and well grounded Mensan.
Note to self: never write a heart-felt email longer than a paragraph after a 10 hour day workday.

Then again, the 10 hour workdays - while few and far between - are not conducive to building a relationship. Which reminds me... I've been torn about whether to put 'Dating' or 'Long-Term' as my 'goal' for the on-line dating sites. Yes, I'm interested in a long-term relationship, but long-term relationships come after dating, right? I don't envision dropping right into a long-term relationship with anyone, but instead starting slowly by Dating - seeing someone off-and-on for a while, learning more about each other, and mutually 'choosing' each other as someone to pursue further. I don't want to be someone's "second choice", and I'm sure they don't want to be mine either.

As always: Be Happy!! (Misery has ENOUGH company)

Aug 26:

2009-08-26T19:13:00.000-07:00

Well, it's 90+ degrees, and 90% humidity here in the sunshine state. Mickey and all his friends are doing very well - and it's not quite as crowded as I expected thanks to an early school start for sunshine state residents. I might have to upload a photo or two from the trip... my travel companions are all great photographers.

Sunday night's discussion on 'Creating Community' for single people more interested in bettering themselves than trying to hunt-down-someone-to-complete-them... went very well. Almost everyone there got the idea, and everyone respected the boundaries. There was one guy there who was serious about online dating, and had gone as far as to create a 'dating card' - a business card for his 'dating business' - it's better than handing out a business card so the operator at his place of work doesn't have to deal with calls regarding his love life. Instead, it said something like "John Doe - Really Great Guy Seeks Really Great Woman" (my words, not his) along with a red heart, his phone number, and email address. On the back was a paraphrased version of his online profile. Very nice... but I'm not sure I want to pursue that track at this time. I'm not *THAT SERIOUS* about dating. Having a 'dating business card' makes it seem too serious - like a business... and I want the act of meeting new people, exploring interests together, etc to be a LOT more fun than could possibly be had at even the tiniest 'business'.

Aug 21:

2009-08-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

Wow! Has it really been 3 days since the last post? A full and interesting few days - let me tell you. First, my email to Dr. Robert Glover regarding a problem I spotted on his website generated not only a response, but a request for help with his website. A little research, and a few emails, and hopefully his website is less vulnerable today.

Second, I got a call out-of-the-blue from a long-lost favorite cousin - she lives on the Isle of Jersey, so I haven't had much contact with her. But this week I found she's planned a family vacation in the same spot I'm visiting soon... and at the SAME TIME!! So we'll be able to catch up... share pictures... break bread, and share some laughs. It should be fun - I'm really looking forward to seeing her again, and meeting her husband of 15 years, and their 5-1/2 year old son (and I *promise* not to ask him about his "Ark"). ;?>

Finally, the national existing home sales numbers are out, and they're UP as predicted. That plus the federal 'first time home buyer rebate' sunsetting in November are all driving agents to look at my house!!! Very cool. We're holding another open house Sunday, so here's hoping that elusive BUYER will walk through the door this weekend, and make an offer.

Sunday evening, Singles Connection is meeting on Mercer Island to discuss 'Building Community' for singles in the Seattle area - there are many, many 'yes' RSVP's so far, and it's shaping up to be a lively discussion. Can't wait! TTFN

Aug 18:

2009-08-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

What makes the perfect date? Hmmm... a hard question. I think being with 'the right person' is about 90% of the recipe. Add in a restaurant with 'atmosphere', or funky decor, food, a glass of 'accessible' wine, and a sunny late-summer evening. Add to that some walking, and watching the sunset reflect off buildings in downtown, sitting in the grass talking about your hopes for the future, and I think you've just about got it. Stir. Enjoy. Repeat.

Aug 17:

2009-08-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

After posting on the blog last night, I composed an email to the organizer of one of the Saturday events. But she appears to be dating someone, so no coffee/lunch date for me - 2nd rejection of the day - only 1 more to go! (yes, it's a goal - one fewer "no" on the way to another "Yes"!) ;?>

I had been debating on buying a 'cruiser' bike to replace my largely unused mountain bike. This weekend I decided to try a hybrid idea of putting a set of cruiser handlebars on the mountain bike. So I ordered those from Amazon last night for Tuesday delivery. We'll see.

On the home-front, there were no showings this weekend. My current Realtor has better advertising... verbage/wording/spew/blah-blah... on the brochure than the previous Realtor. But they have no ads on Craigslist. I was thinking of cross-posting their stuff there as another online sales brochure.

Aug 16:

2009-08-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

A busy weekend - Friday night, I totally screwed up the location of the St. Mark's wine tasting - and missed it. But I was squeezing it in during an all-night web deployment at my 'work-gig'... it was just as well, as the deployment didn't quite go as planned, and after 12 hours, we deployed, but 1/3 was pulled back, and will have to be sorted out on Monday.

Saturday morning, I only got up just in time to drive to Bellevue to volunteer at the packet pickup tables for the Danskin Triathlon. 5000 women preparing for a 3K run, 1/2mile swim, and 12 mile bike ride... but I didn't get the impression many of them were interested in men at all. But the organizer of the event - even though her body language indicated she was there with another volunteer - really left an impression on me. She's someone I would really like to know more about, and I don't care if she's seeing another guy - who knows... maybe she's only involved with him because she's more afraid to break it off than to continue with an satisfying relationship. No one wants to be totally alone, and sometimes people get trapped by the idea that it's preferable to be in a so-so relationship-thing [where at least you're getting 'some' of what you want/need] than to be with no relationship at all - unsure from who the next hug, or positive feedback is going to come. (is that a dangling preposition... I know, I know... sorry).

Today's Lynnwood barbecue was an interesting time. My goal was to get three (3x) 'rejections', and I only ended up getting 2 - and those not straight-up 'rejections', but more a definite 'lack of interest' from the other person, or from me - although the goal wasn't really to measure 'interest', that ended up being an unconscious part of the interactions. And 3 phone numbers to follow-up with. One person I'm sure could be at least a one-night-stand, but that's not really what I'm interested in, so I'll have to email her with a 'sorry, no'. I'm not the type of person to take someone's phone number without meaning to call them. If I take a number, I will call - if only to set up another in-person meeting over coffee/lunch/dinner - so don't give me your number if you don't want me to call. ;?>

Aug 13:

2009-08-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

Busy week... yow! Two house showings, and prepping for a website deployment this weekend. Having my house ultra-clean, and keeping it that way is having a revitalizing effect on me. I'm really enjoying having it clean. Add to that the daily workout routine - not because I enjoy it, but 'because I *have* to' - and the result is I'm in a place of new energy, physical surroundings, and optimism. And it's having positive impacts on my introductions to new people - women in particular. Yes, I'm still making opportunities to talk to new people every day. And I've taken on a few new challenges:

Challenge 1:
Go on at least 4 dates in the next 4 weeks.

Challenge 2:
Approach, and get REJECTED by at least 5 women in the next week. With rejection as the goal, there is no fear, and no long term repercussions related to being rejected. And from the first few attempts, I think the boldness with with I'm approaching women is fending off rejection. Oh, I've had a couple of conversations where I didn't see much chemistry, or interest, but out-right rejections... maybe I'll have to get a bit more outrageous to get those.

Yes, (as I had to explain last night...) this *IS* a Science Experiment.

Aug 10:

2009-08-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

How do I follow up the heavy reading of "The Myth of Male Power"? By reading Terry Pratchett's "Equal Rites", naturally... That, and I've spent an inordinate amount of time today thinking about the crimes and misdemeanors perpetrated by that truant, scoundrel, and overall miscreant: Ferris Beuller. (see link)

I REALLY have to get myself a retro "Save Ferris" shirt.

This afternoon, there was a showing of the house... and it started to rain. Is change coming? I hope so! Books - got a notice that 'Boundaries in Dating' is due, so I speed-read it at a reading table in the library while waiting for the house showing to finish. Then, I went to the 646.77 section (Dewey decimal system, anyone?) to look for other books on dating, and found one by the founder of eHarmony: "Date... Or Soul Mate?". Both these books have a mindset problem from my perspective - they both assume the premise that people are dating with ONLY ONE GOAL in mind: To Get MARRIED.

As of today, I just can't see myself getting married again... I can NOT AFFORD (financially) to give up half of my net worth again, so I can't see taking that chance again. I'm interested in long-term dating, and maybe eventually co-habitating... I think I'm 'married out'... but... I've also learned to "never say Never"...

David Steele's "Conscious Dating" focuses on becoming a better person; understanding yourself better, and thereby being better able to gauge compatibility between you and a potential friend / lover / soul-mate.

My "wingman" said something that really stuck with me the other day - something I've known about myself for a long time, but it was good to hear someone else say it. She said:
"You're a great guy - smart, funny, and a fun to be with.
When I see you around women, it's clear they really like you."

If only the Right Woman - my Really Great Woman - would make herself known... I'm doing what I can to make sure I make contact with that really great woman. But she's got to meet me half-way, and acknowledge she's there, available, and ready for a great guy.

Aug 9:

2009-08-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

The birthday party was a success - rambunctious for the all-boy pool party, and annoying for the adults. I'm looking forward to a day with more exercise - thinking of visiting the sculpture park, or the dog park, and maybe even dropping in on the evening paddle in Kenmore (if time allows). Having seen Saul & company haul empty kayaks across the lake and back LAST week, I suspect they'll have some no shows. And perhaps I could help pull an empty kayak, although I won't be able to stay for the barbecue afterward.

I've spent some time reviewing the profiles on OkCupid, and PlentyOfFish. It strikes me that no one really knows what to say in their 'profile' - it's good to know I'm not alone in that. It also strikes me that most of the women there *think* they're looking for a Stage I relationship (i.e. looking for a 'provider', or 'hunter-gatherer'), when I'm *assuming* Stage I - shelter, food and something approaching 'stability' - and am searching for something deeper for any potential new relationship. Fun, travel/day-trips/adventure, and a physical relationship... Yes: Sex - I'm determined to have sex again (at least once - preferably >10,000 times). How long will *this* dry-spell last? (I wonder how many other people are independently asking the exact same question?)

Aug 8:

2009-08-08T07:47:00.001-07:00

Happy 13th Birthday, Son!! The party begins at noon with a get-together at the house, then carting the boys to the community pool - should be fun!

I found Warren Farrell's website on 'The Myth of Male Power', and read through the 'Cliff's Notes' version of the book. I read enough to know the rest of the book's energy focuses on the negatives of being male, and that's not the energy I need. I could get the main thrust of his book (which must have been the first time it had been communicated in 1995) - that the women's movement has bent so far to protecting women that it's adversely affecting men, blah, blah, blah - hey, I've lived most of that, already gave up half my net worth, etc, etc. - so I loaned the book out to a co-worker. ;?P

Unhooked is next on the reading agenda... or maybe another Terry Pratchett novel. Scott Simon's red socks are calling... more later, maybe?

Aug 7:

2009-08-07T08:18:00.001-07:00

First Thursday was well attended - thanks in part to the mild weather. MANY art loving men, women and children made their way to the museums last night, and I was right there. The Wyeth paintings selected for this show were very stark, and in some ways sad. Helga was clearly ruling the roost as she gazed out of her portraits. In one painting, she virtually 'floated' on a cloud of black velvet, and in another, she stood stoically in the snow while Wyeth slowly painted. It was interesting that the one painting of his wife was of her sleeping, and that he didn't feel the painting was complete until he had painted in a hat covering her face. Compared with Helga's dominant stare... the contrast spoke volumes about his love life at the time those paintings were made.

I'm reading through "The Myth of Male Power", and finding it very interesting. Especially the discussion of Stage I and Stage II love: 'How successful men freed women (but forgot to free themselves)'. "Essentially, women's liberation and the male midlife crisis were the same search - for personal fulfillment, common values, mutual respect, and love. But while women's liberation was thought of as promoting identity, the male midlife crisis was thought of as an identity crisis." Wow! Well said.

He goes on to list a table of Goals for both - 'Stage I - survival focused' and 'Stage II - self-fulfillment focused'. The Stage II goals are as follows:
MARRIAGE: Fulfillment, Soul mates "whole" persons married to create synergy, Commonality of roles, Both sexes raise children; both sexes raise money, Children a choice, Childbirth ideally risk-free; war ideally eliminated, Til Unhappiness Do We Stay Together (as opposed to 'Til Death Do Us Part' for Stage I), Either party can end contract, Sexes equally responsible for self and their partner, Both sexes balance needs of family with needs of self, Love emanates from choice, Love more conditional (no verbal or physical abuse; expectations of mutual respect, common values...).
CHOICE OF PARTNERS: Parental influence is secondary, Neither sex expected to provide more than half the income.
PREMARITAL CONDITIONS: Neither sex deprived more than the other (as opposed to Stage I: 'Men deprived of female sex and beauty until they supply security').

Aug 6:

2009-08-06T07:36:00.000-07:00

The market opens hot, and cools, in tune with Seattle's weather. With a high of 69, and a low in the 50's, today is turning out to be a pleasant, if unseasonably mild summer day. The market is following the temperature - it was UP early, but has cooled. C'est la vie.

Tonight, I'm planning to go to SAM to attend the Andrew Wyeth 'Remembrance' retrospective. It includes his most famous painting of Helga - one that I've seen once before, when it was at an exhibition at the Smithsonian in the 1980's, but it was really amazing enough to see again. His realist style of painting shows ever hair out-of-place on Helga's head, the ridges in her sweater... everything but skin blemishes.

Aug 5:

2009-08-05T20:36:00.000-07:00

A Call For COMMENTS! If you're reading (even infrequently), please leave a comment. Negative, positive... anything is better than the sound of wind whistling through the zeros and ones...

Yesterday, spent some time on OkCupid, and PlentyOfFish browsing profiles - saw some interesting people... but they never write back. I know, I know... TMI again. If that's it, then I guess it's for the best. One thing about OkCupid that I don't really like is that if you want to 'save' a profile of someone you'd like to email later, you have to 'save' it, and it asks if you want to send them a message to let them know they were 'saved'. It's okay by me, but everyone is so busy, it's hard to get BACK to those profiles, and email. I'm sending around 2-3 unsolicited emails a week, and getting no response. There's no way to track whether they've read *here*, except for the 'COMMENTS'... [Have *you* ever left a comment here? Why not?]

Also yesterday, pix of the house were taken, and now it's on the MLS! This time I'm feeling something different 'in-the-air' - some... something... in the housing market... call it an urgency... an opportunity... I don't know... maybe a perceived last chance for new buyers to get into a house before the 'market' climbs out-of-reach. July Seattle sales/pending sales figures are in, and they're up 20% over last year. My house is the 2nd cheapest 3br/1bath house in Arbor Heights, and the cheapest one is isolated, boxy, and not that much cheaper than mine. (sending 'buy mine' energy out there...)

Tonight, was the first open house - two visitors showed up -on a weeknight! (not bad) Meanwhile, I browsed a rental house on Mercer Island. It's in my price range, but VERY small. 3br/1bath not far from the park & ride with a 1 car garage, and what looks like an outside washer/dryer (only the dryer was there). I know, I know... can't really think about moving into something else until I've sold the current house. I'm just checking out "what's out there", and there's nothing I could afford to buy in the areas I'm interested in.

Also went to look at buying a new bicycle. I was interested in the CostCo "Schwinn men's cruiser", but think I may be able to get a better deal elsewhere. Tomorrow night is first Thursday - Seattle museum's are FREE. I think I'll check out the Andrew Wyeth exhibit at SAM downtown. "Helga" is on display - a series of paintings he did in secret that were disclosed in the 1980's, and were a 'sensation' in the art world. The 'signature' Helga painting is there, and I'd really like to see it up close and in person.

Aug 3:

2009-08-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

This wing-man/wing-woman thing is going well. Joy convinced me to go to a kayaking meetup, which by the time it happened, I was excited about. And the activity was GREAT! On the water, sunset over Lake Washington, watching Kenmore Air planes land; kayak self-rescue training; and the women were (mostly) single/unattached, fit, and interesting. Joy didn't do as well as I did, I'm afraid - she had little interest in any of the guys.

But I met someone who I didn't get much of a chance to get to know - I thought she was there with someone else, but was mistaken - but I would DEFINITELY buy a used car from her.

Then there was Joy's 'French friend'... she gave the best laugh of the night when she described her native suburb of Paris as, "not quite Bellevue - further south... more like... Tukwila."

Was it funny because I'm familiar with Tukwila / Southcenter, or because of the 'k' sound? She's got a sense of humor, great timing, and enjoys the outdoors. All traits I like.

Tonight, I've scurried around to make the house look presentable for signing papers. Tomorrow night is photo-op night. MLS, here I come... I'm going to give it exactly two months - if it hasn't sold by the end of September, I'll stick it out here through the winter, and try again next year. But something tells me the housing market right now is "not too hot", and "not too cold". Wish me luck.

Aug 2:

2009-08-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

Boxes mostly packed... only the laundry room left. As an 'NPR Junkie', I'm having withdrawals this morning, because I haven't switched on to hear LeAnne Hanson - but I'll make up for that in the car on my way to Mercer Island. Yes, the Blue Angels...

Yesterday's performance of Shakespeare's "King John" at Lincoln Park was excellent. It turns out I know the actor playing King John - worked with him both acting in a play at the 'Mae West Fest', and recorded sound for him on a film project he directed last summer. Both yesterday's meeting, and the 'sound-guy-gig' were surprises. Yesterday he was the one surprised - he didn't recognize me without the goatee and mustache.

This afternoon's kayaking and barbecue (from Seattle Singles(?) Meetup group) is sounding more and more relaxing - I can't wait to get out on the water. I think once the move is complete, I'll have to consider getting another small boat - a Maxim, or SeaDoo 15-19'. It's just too hard to be this close to all that water during summer's like this without being out ON the water in some way. I guess I could get by with swimming, but it's hard to swim out to watch the SeaFair airshow with all that boat traffic ;?>

Aug. 1:

2009-08-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

Today I'm packing boxes, getting the house ready to put BACK on the market... don't worry - it's a GOOD thing - and waiting for the 3pm "King John" show at Lincoln Park. The day started with packing boxes, then wielding power tools to attack the 'evil hedge monster'. Me 1, Hedge 0. Extension cord? Well, the tape looks like it'll hold things together...

I hear the Blue Angels... must be Sea Fair... Woo Hoo! Get out there, and enjoy the sun!

And I owe at least a nice dinner to Joy for her help packing and cleaning. I'm afraid to go into my kitchen... afraid I'll mess it up - it's that clean. Clean enough for 'For Sale' photos...

Maverage: Wingman!

2009-07-31T11:06:00.000-07:00

July 31: last Sunday evening I met with a lovely girlfriend - let's call her 'Joy' - to provide feedback on her profile for Match.com. In so doing, we became 'Wingman / Wingwoman' for the online dating scene - she helps me critique my writing, telling me when things seem off-putting, or out-of-place on an 'online dating blog', and I provide the same service in return. Example, "You love running - you should add that under "likes". Response: "I run because I have to, but I don't like it." Of course it's not entirely true - running in the rain is SO cool... you get hot and sweaty, but the rain washes it all away. And the rain affects all runners the same - rich or poor - all get soaked the same.

And I found out more about Joy's dating requirements: the one's I know about that match mine are: no smoking, no addictions, no diseases, social drinking ok, health minded, but not 'zealously religious' about it, and I'm right in her age range, and she's in mine.

Yesterday, Joy called, and suggested we meet at Greenlake for an evening swim. How cool is THAT!? We met at a rendevous point near the beach, set our towels out, and jumped in. After a 90+ degree Seattle day, "go jump in a lake" was EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. ;?> Simple, yet refreshing. After a while, we chatted about how the on-line dating prospects are doing, I suggested Plentyoffish, and OKcupid. She suggested I try millionairesingles. I said I'm no longer elligible for that one, but she said I qualify because of my *attitude* toward money - I tell anyone who asks (in my best Thurston Howell III voice), "Oh, I'm between fortunes, at the moment". With the stock market behaving this way, it won't be long now...

But the more I get to know Joy, the more I *want* to know... hmmm... seems a good thing. No, I haven't Googled her, nor am I likely to do so. Just as I would rather "meet" in person, I would rather find out the insignificant / significant details 'in person'. I seriously doubt there are any issues I would find on Google that I wouldn't rather find out about in person. Plus, that way I'm not quietly criticizing for the things that haven't been said, "When is she going to bring up the second-grade spelling-bee championship trophy photo on Google Images?"

Oh, I also found she DEFINITELY passes 'the bikini test' - not only able, and willing to wear one, but she looks GREAT in one.

Sunday, it's kayaking in Kenmore - sounds fun! Until then, I'm packing the house (again)... hmmm... I wonder if she'd be willing to help pack boxes?

And she WAS! We spent 3 hours packing up stuff in the kitchen, and she wiped down all the cabinets so that my 'new' kitchen as of last August looks clean and NEW again. Many thanks!

July 23

2009-07-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

More about Saturday's wedding...

A great time was had by ALL at Bobby and Michelle's wedding (can I mention first names?). "The Club" was gorgeous with the sun setting over downtown, and the glow from Vulcan (not the Paul Allen company) towering above the nearby trees. Bobby showed a great deal of class in his selection of a best man, for even though he has an unlimited number of friends from high-school wrestling, and college fraternity activities... he chose his father as best man. Someone who truly has "been there for him" at every turn. I was sincerely impressed by this selection, and I applaud Bobby for choosing my brother to stand with him at the alter. My advice to him was: Don't Forget Your DREAMS, and don't forget the dreams of your wife. Incorporate those dreams into your life together, and work bit by bit to achieve those dreams TOGETHER. And I said, "Congratulations" to the groom, and "Best Wishes" to the bride - they were very happy, and are newly on the road to a long and happy marriage (the bride's parents have been married for 30+ years, and the groom's parents have been married for 30 years exactly).

Yesterday's phone call...
I got a phone call from someone at St. Mark's Cathedral in Seattle asking about the "Singles Connection / Resource Roundtable" group at Emmanuel Episcopal church. Yes, I'm one of the organizers. I talked about the five areas of opportunity (i.e. 'needs') for single people: Friendship, Social Activities, Education, Leadership opportunities, and Service opportunities. Add this to the 'safe place to BE SINGLE', 'Romance Free Zone', 'Sabbatical from Relationships', and you start to get to a real community of single people where you can network with other people, make new friends, learn about what's going on in the area for singles, and "get out there" to have a good time. St. Marks is planning a wine-tasting party... my first question was: "is this group inward looking for the St. Mark's singles, or outward looking, trying to 'build community' among the singles (48% of the adult population) in Seattle?" Organized churches tend to look for 'young couples and families', and don't realize that by doing so they are under serving a large population right under their noses. The answer I got on 'inward vs. outward' was essentially they're in a forming stage, and are therefore looking inward at the moment, but want to incorporate the best ideas, and consider looking outward, and building community in the future. MY thinking is that the only way they're going to build new communities of people (or new 'congregations') is to look outward, and serve the larger community, but to do so without trying to force evangelism down people's throats. I suspect that people attending their 9:30pm Sunday night Compline service are a good demographic from which they could recruit. I asked the caller if they had ever *attended* the 9:30pm service, and the answer was "no". I advised the person to go to that service THIS WEEK and to wear their virtual 'singles group organizer' hat - visualize the service through the eyes of a single adult (>90% of their late-night audience) and to realize that most of these people are "Looking For More" in their lives - looking for 'something more' spiritually, socially, and wanting to have a positive impact on the world.

The call ended with me giving my personal email address, and offering to attend any organizations meeting they might have. It sounds like St. Mark's - a rather large, well funded, institution is ready to dip their toe into the world of singles community building! I had warm thoughts about the 'possibilities' all evening...

July 21

2009-07-21T07:09:00.000-07:00

Well, girlfriend-to-be, it's been nearly a month since you've caught up - and a busy month at that. In that time, I sponsored a Meetup.com event - First Thursday Free Seattle museums (I saw the Jim Henson exhibit at the EMP/SciFi Museum). But that was ALSO the night my allergies (grass, trees, dust mites, cat hair, etc. - normally controlled by Claritin) decided to 'overflow', and give me cold-like symptoms. I was down the following 4 days with a summer cold - one uncatchable by ordinary mortals.

I didn't hold the July "Singles Connection / Resource Roundtable" because I'm re-vamping the format. I've been working from an old model of how to build a community of like-minded singles, and provide them with a 'romance free zone' where we can relax, mingle, network, and make new friends - and if 'romance' happens outside the groups once-monthly meetings... who am *I* to complain? ;?>. Now I'm firmly in the 'sabbatical from relationships' camp - single people want to join other supportive, like-minded people, and form urban communities (i.e. tribes) based on mutual interests: hiking, cycling, movie watching, reading, writing, 'rithmatic... the usual. They also want to take time to improve themselves for-their-own-benefit. EXACTLY the things people do when they leave their jobs for a couple of months to go on sabbatical.

Why not go on a 'relationship' sabbatical? That's what I've been doing for the past two years, and I'm really enjoying the new experiences, and new friends made along the way.

I've also been thinking about my concerns about 'online dating', and how I think it bypasses the normal models people have been using for centuries to "get-to-know other people". Online dating provides too many opportunities for people to create false identities, pretend to be something they're not. Most common on-line dating lies: (1) Age, (2) marital status [lots of married guys pretend to be single - look for profiles with no photo, or who ask for your phone, but won't give theirs in return], (3) availability [truly ready to date, OR... not yet at 'baggage claim'], (4) fantasy likes/dislikes - no one ever says, 'I work all day, and watch tv for 4 hours before bed each night', instead it's 'like to tango (loaded?), gormet cooking (takeout?), and philanthropy for starving children' (his/her own?). All in all: I'll stick with OFF-line dating.

My middle-son and I flew to my nephew's wedding in Birmingham this past weekend [and are my arms TIRED... ], and had a great time. But it pointed out some weaknesses in the whole wedding reception model. There were many, many obvious 20-something singles, but no way to easily tell whether the over-30's were single or married. So I danced with my 2 nieces, my sister in law, and my 82 year old mother. The next wedding reception I D.J., I'm going to provide availability lapel pins: Blue for "Available", Red for "in-a-relationship".

So I've been planning a new social networking website (in my spare time). More on that in a later post...

June 29:

2009-06-29T20:33:00.000-07:00

Do I have a... CAR? Of all the questions you have to answer here, that one seems the least important. I would rather answer "Do you have a pet?" Or... do you ride the bus. In my case it would be yes to all 3. Car, Dog, Bus, Male, Single... Woo Hoo! Online dating BINGO!

This weekend, the boys and I went out to cheer on a friend in the inaugural Seattle Rock & Roll Marathon. They couldn't have asked for better weather. And this after SWELTERING in an 81+degree office building all last week - yes, the new office's roof-top air conditioners were removed to make way for new roofing, and weren't replaced until this past weekend.

Tomorrow, there's a company party at the Garage to celebrate deploying new features on the website. I like the company, but sometimes I wish they'd give us the option of more cash in our paychecks instead of spending 'morale' budget on overpriced bowling shoe rentals.

Oh, and almost forgot - I ran across the abbreviation "DDF" - dependency, and drug free - which describes me. So I'm a DWM DDF NT (no tattoos) TTFN (ta ta for now).

June 24:

2009-06-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, Kayla (my dog) and I went to the Fremont fair, and had a great time. She was a little freaked out by all the people, so when I saw an AMAZING woman who I wanted to walk over to and just say, "Hi, I know you're rushing off to something or other, but I'd really like to meet you..." all I got to see was her red hair poking from beneath a stylish yellow net hat, and the curve of her back as she arced (arc'd?) away into the throng. But hey, it was a very evocative moment, and if it was meant to be, I'll see her again someday.

The solstice parade was SO much fun - over 500 nude cyclists/skaters this year - and their 'costumes' were very witty. I especially liked the 'Evil Kenevil' inspired blue jump-suits... Kayla got a bit antsy at the bands, so we had to leave the parade early. We did manage to speak to two trumpet players from the Rainbow City Band - Seattle's Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Trans-gender friendly band - I told them I'd worked on a documentary about the band in 2007, and knew Scott, the band's founder. They said I should come and play, but I said I wasn't "hip" enough. They said, "there are a lot of allies in the band". "Allies?", I said? "Sure... Straight but not narrow". And so, I guess I *AM* an ally after all.

This month's Singles Connection / Resource Roundtable was a discussion about 'Abundance'. Afterward, my best-friend (married) emailed me asking "Isn't THAT an oxymoron? A 'Singles'... GROUP!? What do you *DO* anyway? Sit around playing cards, drinking beer, and comparing pick-up-lines?"

I explained to him that Single people today (unlike when he got married 20 years ago) have very few social structures around which they can meet other like-minded people. Churches (mostly gray, marrieds), fraternal organizations like the Elks or Masons (gray, and out-dated), and the like... mostly non-existent for modern singles. The upwardly-mobile society hasn't got the kind of interpersonal structures where your friends would try to make sure their single-friends could meet each other socially, say... at a dinner party, and so today's singles have to BUILD THEIR OWN support structures / community. That's probably why we meet people on-line, and find we have so little in common with most of them... we're not meeting in ways where people that know us can pre-screen both parties, and by doing so improve our chances of hitting it off / having chemistry.

I told my friend that I'm "on sabbatical from relationships". I've been spending the past couple of years alone re-discovering myself, my dreams, aspirations, and goals for my independent life, and making the opportunities (not waiting for them) to 'grab the brass ring'. Now I'm at a point where I feel comfortable that I could share with someone who is like-minded, and enjoying THEIR independent life. So we can be independent... together? Hmmmm... sounds about right.

I've been reading "Conscious Dating" - this book (full text is on-line on Google books) and "No More Mr. Nice Guy" should be required reading for people dating in the 21st century. The bus commute is down to a routine now, and I'm spending more time in the city in the evenings, rather than rushing straight home to let the dog out. She doesn't seem to mind.

The workouts aren't paying off with weight loss as I had hoped - but I have trimmed down a belt-notch, and have greater stamina. I'm looking forward to joining a dance class in late July... tonight, it's "12 Angry Men" from Netflix, and a night of scratching Kayla on the couch. Last night's Mariner's game was a disappointment... I left just after Ken Griffey's solo homer, thinking the game was completely lost - and it was - but the 9th inning was exciting from the 9-7 score (I left when it was 9-to-2!).

June 16:

2009-06-16T18:42:00.001-07:00

Everyday I Write the Book... the song sums it up. Why am I still writing to you? Because I won't settle - I'm going to keep searching, making friends along the way, until I find 'the one'. Okay, okay... It sounds RIDICULOUS - but I'm still hopeful.

We Come to Barry Manilow... Not to Praise Him. My nephew is getting married next month, and wedding crashing sounds like a lot of fun! Okay, so there *IS* an invitation... somewhere. But surely they don't expect me in B'Ham... IN JULY! When Lake Washington is at its swimmingest best? (swimming-est? ) So the work outs are in hopes of meeting a bridesmaid... or even 30-to-40-something older sister of a bridesmaid/groomsman. But I AM NOT one of those guys who goes to family reunions... to pick up women. Oh, I've MET them... and that is SO 'not me'. Not in the slightest.

Will my college friends be in town, or will they be in Alaska via Seattle on a cruise ship? THAT's one thing I would never do - a Singles Cruise. Anyone who's ever been to a beach resort, or lived on an island knows the old refrain: 'If you didn't bring it with you, you won't find it here'. And going on a cruise on a DATE... especially a first date... sounds like a particularly bad idea. There you are - on a boat - in the middle of the wonderful water. But if there's no chemistry, it's more an island than a boat. No, I haven't been there... but I've heard. Last time I was on a sailboat - it was a small one - and we couldn't get back to shore quickly enough. But the water was GREAT! There's something about the sun, the smell of suntan oil, sun and the eyes of a beautiful woman.

June 15:

2009-06-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

I had my sons over this weekend - and it was great hanging out with them, and getting some much needed lawn work done. They're really into the SIMS video games, a game I actually like.

Last night, had dinner with some friends at Ohana in Belltown just before their "Ohana Idol" karaoke contest finals got underway.

If there are 3 main kinds of 'dating', what kind of dating are YOU here for: for relationship practice, to find 'a soul mate', or Dating for Mating? I would have to say 'For relationship practice' is a large part of it - I want to meet new, and different people, and build some new relationships. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit there's also a sexual element to dating - i.e. dating for mating. But, again, I'm not the polyamorous type - I would never cheat. I didn't cheat for over 17 years of marriage, even though there were opportunities. But at the same time, I respect the privacy of my partner - I'm not into 'control' - more into mutual discovery.

I love myself, and hope to find someone who loves herself. If you can't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? This one took a lot of introspection. I'm in no way a narcissist - and in my 'previous life' I was never 'worthy'. But I find that life is too short to be selling myself short all the time. I'm okay. And I like myself. Does that blind me to faults? Hmmmm.... maybe... (your unbiased feedback on this appreciated - if you've read any of this blah, blah, blog... what do YOU think?).

June 9:

2009-06-09T18:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've got better things to do than to continue to update on a daily basis. But, hey... at least I uploaded a new photo. And that reminds me: I need a haircut.

Bought a new Roomba the other day, and it seems to have a bad battery - guess it will have to go back. Too bad - I was looking forward to having something to vacuum the house every day while I'm at work. My dog is relieved - I call her the 'Alpha Bee-yotch' of the house - and she doesn't trust the Roomba. But if she didn't leave hair all over the place, I wouldn't need the vacuum robot in the first place.

The workouts at the new office are going well. Now working on more definition, and trying to remember that one rule... ABOUT THAT! Hey!! That's right - I've been meaning to give away 'The Secret', and thumb my nose at those horrible photo-ads, and animated banners.

I know THE SECRET of the 'One Rule' to a flatter stomach: Lose weight, and body fat. Fat tends to collect in the belly for many people, and there is NO WAY to get rid of fat in one region without working on overall weight loss. But I *suspect* the "rule" those Google ads are talking about is... just what my Mom tried to tell me: "Suck In Your Gut". Yes. Keep your abs tight, focusing on trying to tighten your abs below the belt, and if you can focus on that, you will eventually build up your ab muscles even if you're sitting at a desk all day.

DAY 38 - cont.

2009-06-07T18:42:00.000-07:00

I don't want to forget the Furry 5K Run and Walk at Seward Park today - a couple of thousand people, and their pets, walking and running 3.6miles to support the Seattle Animal Shelter. It was fantastic! I saw lots of interesting, fit, active women (and men), and more women... with their pets.

I was struck by the interactions of a couple of guys with their significant others... my advice to them would be: "Grow A Pair, Guys!" Damn... the guys I saw sounded like they were "one of the girls", trying so hard to please, that they didn't have an opinion, and didn't want to make a decision for fear of offending someone (or making their opinions known). And I found that pretty offensive, and I'm sure the women they were with weren't too happy with them either. Guys... you are NEVER going to be a woman's girlfriend. That doesn't mean you have a to be a chauvinist, macho asshole - it simply means you should be comfortable with your manhood, and own the fact that you have a brain, and aren't afraid to use it. I would even go so far as to propose that women would like you BETTER if you were to 'man up', and grow a spine, as well as a set of balls.

Only, if you're in a marriage, and you come to this realization... it would be wise to let your spouse know you've discovered your 'nards', else she may be driven off - unable to deal with a real man. For both men and women - don't let ANYONE walk all over you. It is NOT okay - regardless of the sex of the 'walker'. I stopped being walked on, but in the process ended my marriage... so be aware, and straight forward about what you're doing lest you drive your spouse away.

DAY 38:

2009-06-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

WOW! That got a reaction... I cross posted yesterday's critique of the Russian film "Admiral", which was mostly a critique of "The Admiral Theater" in West Seattle as a 1950's era movie house badly in need of some upgrades (see the Cinerama as an example of what can be done). I realized that post was mostly a post about the movie, so I cross-posted it to the SIFF.net website 'user reviews'... and that's where I got the following response:

“That's part of the charm! Don't you have anything more important to complain about? The Admiral is a jewel and many people worked hard to insure that it would not be torn down to build a sleek, sterile, air-conditioned boring box. Next time go to the mall!”

Let's take that point by point. No, it's important for the SIFF staff to hear that the Admiral is a "pit" of a theater. I agree, The Admiral is a jewel, but would be better served by upgrading the interior - restoring it something like it's former glory (think "Cinerama"). If indeed it was 'saved' from being torn down, isn't it time to follow through, and restore it? I'd love to be a catalyst to get THAT conversation moving.

It could be described as being distracted from the amazing special effects of WWI battleships, and expansive battle scenes, intermixed with scenes showing the lavish lifestyle of the upper caste during a very interesting period in Russian history. Instead of focusing on the movie, I was thinking about how I could shift my ass so that my legs wouldn't go to sleep, and how much better this would sound even in a Dolby 5:1 sound system - like at home - although the 40-foot screen can't be beat... I wondered "how close would one have to sit to the 32-inch LCD to get the same effect?"

DAY 37:

2009-06-06T07:36:00.001-07:00

I've been focusing on work, and on baseball playoffs (yes, they continued all week). I'm getting accustomed to my new commute, and it has taken some adjustments to get the timing right so I get to work on-time. As for meeting new people, I'm back to attending activities from the MeetupDotCom Seattle Singles group.

Last night, I attended a Russian language film world premiere "The Admiral" at West Seattle's venerable Admiral theater. All I can say is the film was visually stunning, and melodramatic, but the venue was HORRIBLE. It's been at least 20 years since I sat for 2 hours in a vintage 1950's theater with no visible upgrades. In places, the thread-bare velvet curtains are missing, and unpainted cinder-block walls peek out. The almost flat floor, and in-line seats (c. 1950) were perhaps built for 1950's teenagers who were more interested in foreplay than actually WATCHING the movie. It was particularly frustrating trying to read the English subtitles - I found myself shifting my head from side-to-side to read past the head of the viewer DIRECTLY in front of me - and because subtitles are generally at the BOTTOM of the screen... I couldn't help but notice there were a couple of feet of unused space ABOVE the reflective screen. Those few feet would have made all the difference in reading the subtitles. No air conditioning. How long has it been since I've sat in a theater where the temperature rose throughout the film? Never that I can remember. Last night was memorable - mostly in a bad way. Oh, the film was good, but I'm sure the overall effect, and the ability to "lose oneself in the story" were undermined by the poor venue. It may be an acceptable venue for something like the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but a world premiere international film? I don't think so.

Today, the laundry is moving around it's vortex of cleanliness, and the lawn is being gently watered naturally. Guess mowing will have to wait until tomorrow...

Kayla and I are signed up for the Seattle Furry 5K fun-run and walk Sunday at Seward park. I'll be in Orange, holding Kayla's purple bungie-leash (she's a black lab). If you're there, please introduce yourself, and help support Seattle's animal shelters.

My 30 Day Online Dating Science Experiment

2009-05-31T19:29:00.001-07:00

30 day statistics:
Email sent: 34, Received: 37
(unsolicited: 14, replies: 23 - includes ongoing messages [re: re: re: re:]),
viewed me: 107(!), favorites: 18, favorited me: 1.

Number of people to spot the subliminal message behind the Avatar/username "Maverage": 1. Not that it's all THAT non-conformist to post daily 'blog-like' posts in place of the 'profile'... but I haven't seen many people do it this way. Number of hits to SeeMoreFilms' profile during May: Zero. Interesting, since both profiles were written by and about the same person..

People following these almost-daily posts (rants?): unknown. I *WILL* keep the profile active, although I don't promise to post every day beyond this point. I've finally put my finger on what bugs me the most about these 'online dating sites' and the 'profiles' created to try to tell enough about yourself in a paragraph or two so that someone can decide whether or not they want to *meet* you: I'm not a used car, or 'previously owned' item on eBay or CraigsList. Yet, I feel like these profiles are 'sales brochures'. It's all too impersonal, and in my view disrespectful on BOTH sides of the equation: On one side - the requirement to 'hawk my wares', and on the other side the requirement to make the 'buy/no-buy' ("should I contact him, or block him?") decision.

I would still rather meet new people in-person, and in a social setting. I would ALWAYS rather DO something I would be doing anyway regardless of the potential to 'date'. If introduced by someone who already knows me, then so much the better.

But now I'm more open to the possibility of each introduction, chat, and aside comment as a way to 'open the conversation'. I like to say, "I don't believe in strangers. Strangers are Friends I haven't yet had the opportunity to get to know".

So I'll probably spend more time looking for MeetupDotCom events to attend (First Tuesday in Bellevue, First Thursday museum night in Seattle, etc).

To all who've wished me well, I return the sentiments. To those who've gotten 'ticked off' at something I've said, the 'slight' was unintentional, I'm sure. To those who feel more empowered to continue to pursue their LIFE AS A SINGLE PERSON, and think of meeting 'That Right Someone' as a secondary thing (if at all), I say: More Power To You.

All The Best!

DAY 30 - part 2...

2009-05-30T22:26:00.001-07:00

Little League baseball playoffs are underway, and both my sons' teams WON their first games! Woo Hoo!!! So they both advance to the 2nd round playoff game tomorrow... at conflicting times... at different ends of Bellevue... oh joy.

Well, the house is OFF the market, and the rather permenant looking 'Offered' sign (it didn't say 'For Sale') has been uprooted, and hauled away. So, of course, the phone calls from Realtors who want to re-list the house have begun. My question for them is: Why should I trust you to try to sell my house NOW when you didn't bring in a buyer - not even one with a low-ball offer - in the over 8 months the house was for sale? Has the home buyers market changed overnight?

And as if it wasn't allergy season before, it certainly is now... whatever tree-sex, or plant-sex, or grass-sex (i.e. pollen) that makes my eyes water, swell, and turn red is out in full-force.

Dating? Can't think about it right now. Have gotten a great offer from someone who wants to speak on 'Money Matters for Single People' at the Mercer Island group on the 3rd Sunday in June. Sounds good - people don't generally talk about money matters with their co-workers, or family, so why not with a bunch of strangers! After being on POF for 30 days... this idea actually makes sense. Using interpersonal communications to help other people, and get them together through "Social Networking" (which is what this is... yes, I know).

More tomorrow? Maybe I'll wrap up the month of on-line dating with a pithy entry after the Weekend Of Baseball Day 2...

DAY 30 - part 1...

2009-05-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

Going well: I managed to post almost daily, even if some daily posts were trivial, and not worth the time to read. I 'grazed' many of the profiles of Seattle area women here - most between the ages of 35-55. Only met (in person) one person from here who I hadn't met elsewhere in some other forum (i.e. I still tended to meet people 'socially' more often than 'online').

Needs improvement: unsure... either my attitude toward online dating, or the level of response received. After an initial flurry of responses, the mails now are down to a trickle (less than 1 a week). There's one message in my inbox that I've been wanting to respond to, but want to craft a well thought out response... so I won't shoot off my mouth.

Impediments: "Shooting my mouth off". Yes, I've been up-front, and spoke my mind about a lot of things - perhaps too many things. I'm sure that's limited the emails I've received, and I'm okay with that. I would rather be true to (and honest with) myself than have to keep track of a bunch of half-truths, and exaggerations. The good weather. Yes, I blame it on the weather. The type of person I'm most likely to enjoy meeting would be a sensible person, and wouldn't BE online while it's sunny and warm. Instead, she's probably out there enjoying herself biking, or walking a dog; hiking, or having a laugh with friends while pretending to be interested in whatever participatory 'event of the day' is going on. And I'm convinced I should be doing likewise.

A profile I read this morning made me think of Roy Hinkley - perhaps the smartest person on the planet 45 years ago, he found himself inextricably stranded in a south pacific paradise with six other people. With his knowledge, he could repair a radio, build a telephone, invent a Geiger counter out of bamboo and foil, and recharge lead-acid batteries using only coconuts and salt water. Yet, he was unable to find a way to build a boat? HA! That's a good one. He clearly didn't WANT to leave the island. And why should he when he was the only eligible man on the island? But who should he choose... the Kansas farm girl? Beautiful, but naive. Charming, and a great cook, and with a navel that was so provocative, she always tried to wear shorts pulled high... or halter top pulled low... to cover it from view. OR... the glamorous movie star - with her shimmering evening dress, fiery red hair, and legs that went all-the-way-up. How could anyone choose? But what most people didn't realise, is there were THREE women on the island. Ginger, Maryanne, and Mrs. Howell! Suave, sophisticated, yet a little ditsy and uncoached in the ways of a 'simple life'. Who better to 'coach' the sophisticated lady than the Professor?

Nope, I'm convinced his diary would have read something like: "Day 495 - Ah, what a paradise. I noted 5 species of tropical parrots today, and the temperature is a balmy 80-degrees... in March! I can't help but smile when I'm asked to repair the radio, and build a pedal car out of bamboo and palm fronds, but not asked to build a boat! But why would I want to leave this place? Ooops... gotta go... Here comes Maryanne and Ginger!"

DAY 29 - 1 day left...

2009-05-29T20:07:00.000-07:00

Today I went to lunch with an old friend in the Union Station plaza. She's reading these posts, and thinks I'm crazy for sticking with it so long, but I just have to finish what I started. When the conversation came around to "does online dating work for you?", the answer was an emphatic "No".

Here's someone I've known for a couple of years, and who's opinion I trust. Like me, she finds she meets new and interesting people more readily when she's doing something she enjoys doing, and focuses on doing interesting things rather than obsessing over "trying to meet someone". I find I'm the same way. Does it bother me that I might say something to turn-off potential dates here by saying things like, "No Harley's", and that pictures with children give me the shivers... Honestly, when you put a picture "out there" on the internet, you never know where it will end up. I (for one) will *never* put pictures of my children up here. And for potential dates, you're not likely to even meet my children unless, and until, we've been dating for a good while. I don't want to put more 'people churn' into their lives than they already experience.

The Opinions I've received so far are 80% Leave the online dating scene, and 20% stick with it. We'll see if anything changes this weekend. Plus, I've got an extra day in the month to think it over...

DAY 28 - 2 days left.

2009-05-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

With some deep regret, I just signed the paperwork to pull my 'for sale' home off the market. Whether the problem was the price point, or the saturation of available homes for sale, I may never know. But I'll keep it off the market for a while, and hope the housing situation continues to improve.

The weather has been SO NICE... have we gotten our 12-day-quota of sunny days? ;?> Not to my way of thinking. Mt. Rainer was stunningly white against the stark blue sky this afternoon - not nearly as hazy as yesterday.

Oh, almost forgot... I caught a glimpse of CNN's coverage of the debate between James Carville and Karl Rove. What a riot!! I highly recommend catching that on YouTube. Jim was as in-your-face as ever, and made apologies for only 8 minutes of the Clinton administration. (my favorite quote of the night).

DAY 27:

2009-05-28T19:28:00.000-07:00

Didn't have much to say today. The boys and I had a great 'boys night out', swung by the library, and made it home while there was lingering twilight. I pondered making an update here, but thought better of it. The 30-day mark is fast approaching, and I'm debating whether I should drop off, and call it quits, or... to continue for another 30 days.

Opinions?

DAY 26: only 4 left...

2009-05-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

Today, I clicked the 'Chemistry' thing again, and found someone who's a 100% match! What does that MEAN anyway?! I've been thinking all day about the term 'online dating' and what an oxymoron it really is. Online - sitting at a computer screen, reading something someone else has written through the lens of your own experiences. Dating - going OUT with someone to get to know them better. Usually it means *in person*... so when you put the two together... NO WONDER it's such a strange, bizarre, most unreal experience.

What else do I want in a partner-in-crime? Someone who likes themselves. Someone who LIVES for themselves, and doesn't live vicariously through their children. Someone who doesn't have to look up vicariously. Someone who is willing to pick up that copy of "The Automatic Millionaire" that the single guy left on the bus because he'd finished it, and read it, then leave it on another bus for someone else to take to heart (or laugh at, and discard on a bus). ;?>

Tonight, I stopped by Tony's fruit stand, and picked up some fresh corn, and avocados. The corn went on the Weber, and made a great supper. The avocados - a funny word for a fruit that makes a great chip-dip... look up THAT one, and see if you don't laugh - are for guac... natch. But that will wait for tomorrow night. No more 'viewed me' clicks tonight. No more clicks or cliques or kilometers for that matter. Unwatched Netflix's (what *IS* the plural of Netflix... NetFlixes??) beckon. Time to spend less time with the online oxy-dating moron.

Day Twenty-Five: 5 to go...

2009-05-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

SOOoooo... What am I looking for in a woman? What am I NOT looking for... two parts of the same question. I'm looking for someone who's smaller than me - (me: 5'9", 190 lbs, average build who's trying to tone up a bit). Whoever it is, I won't feel compelled to 'change' anything about her, but instead revel in our differences. Someone who has a serious life / career, yet is willing to literally let her hair down, and relax / have fun. Someone willing to be spontaneous, and try new things, whether it be a restaurant, dancing, an unexpected hike/walk, or something more intimate. Someone who doesn't have a lot of hangups about sex - as a divorced adult, I really enjoyed having an active sex life, and when my former partner closed that off with the statement, "You're not really still interested in sex at our age, are you?" I knew the marriage was over, but didn't want to admit it for the kids' sake.

Feeling the warm breezes, the smell of the roses - makes me want to plant yellow rose bushes - the beat of the music... it evokes a very pleasant all encompassing calm. I can forget the job that doesn't pay enough, and takes up too many hours, or the house that's been for sale for 8 months with no offers (and comes off the market Tuesday). I think about being with someone who is able / willing to (for example) wear a bikini, though not necessarily willing to have her picture taken in it. Someone willing to try new dance steps, and not worry about looking awkward doing so. Someone ready to try samples of different things - organic chocolate, Someone who will be supportive of my solitary writing life - scripts don't write themselves. Someone independent, but willing to be "Independent... Together."

I know... too much to ask. I feel like I'm right back to the physicist's theory... of the 3.5 Million people in the Seattle Metro area, there are probably as many as Zero people who would be a match for me... well... statistically, anyway. And as Benjamin Disraeli said, "There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics".

DAY 24: six days remaining

2009-05-24T22:22:00.000-07:00

I just haven't felt like doing anything here today. After lunch yesterday, I didn't go back to Folklife - came back home instead, and mowed the laundry. I watched a Sheryl Lee movie called "Bliss" - it was pretty awful. The film tried to explore a woman trying to deal with child sexual abuse in her past, and getting help from her husband using tantric sex techniques. It was a muddled mess, but the performances by Sheryl Lee, and Terrence Stamp were exemplary.

Later, I went on POF, and was really disappointed by the number of people who were on-line. So much so, that I logged off, and flipped through the channels on TV... something I almost never do.

Today, I went to the dog walk meetup event in Redmond today. Both Kayla and Buddy were on their best behavior. I hadn't been to Marymoor's dogpark since before they started charging $1 for parking. It was impossible to keep Buddy out of the water - he was retrieving "labradors"... funny how much they look like tennis balls. But everything looks like a tennis ball to Buddy. Squirrel? A tennis ball with a fluffy tail. Raccoon? A BIG tennis ball with a ringed tail. You get the idea.

After the dog park, I went back to Folklife to people watch. Thousands of people, food, music, etc. It was... okay. A bit like the Bite of Seattle, but with less food. And like a bluegrass version of Bumbershoot. Back when I was in radio, I tried to avoid country... and western. There was an Irish trio playing a guitar, a violin, and a bag-pipe-like thing that he pumped with his armpits.

Tomorrow, I'll probably make my way down there again after mowing the rest of the lawn... ;?>

DAY 23: 1 week remains.

2009-05-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

Persistence is the best advice I can give people. I've been ready to give up at least twice, but have knuckled down, and stuck with it. Today, I'm having lunch with a lovely friend met here on POF - the first time I've had a lunch date with someone I didn't meet in-person before finding them here. But she already knows a lot about me, and is *still* interested in meeting. After lunch, I may wander back to Folklife... yes, it was THAT cool.

DAY TWENTY-TWO: 8 days to go...

2009-05-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

After moving day at work, had an AMAZING evening with a friend at Seattle Center wandering around at Folklife. The weather was perfect - made to order for a weekend festival. We tried swing dancing, watched flaminco, and tap dancers, listened to an amazing guitarist, and sampled organic chocolate laced with lavender. Afterward, a walk through the SAM sculpture garden near sunset made the evening complete.

DAY TWENTY-ONE:

2009-05-21T12:48:00.001-07:00

Walked to lunch at Whole Food Markets today - my director friend Jason loves that place. Anywhere else I try to have lunch with him, and he says "I can't eat that crap". His two rules - no wheat, no dairy - were formidable rules to avoid when trying to feed a cast & crew, but we worked it out, and everyone ended up eating healthier. P.F. Chang's has a gluten-free menu... other places? hmmm...

This evening, had a wonderful home cooked dinner with friends near Greenlake - first home cooked meal this year? Maybe... We walked their dogs to the lake, and stopped at Ben & Jerry's for dessert at sunset. A great end to a beautiful day. I'm LOVING the sunshine.

DAY TWENTY EVAL: 10 days to go!

2009-05-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

Going well: Sending email(32), being viewed (87), mail received (29). To improve: viewing profiles (>150), marking favorites (20). Impediments: fatique. Between 'viewed by', 'Favorites', and emails sent/received, I've carefully checked out over 107 different women. It's hard to keep track of who I'd like to really connect with. For example... one person said she is very intelligent - IQ=125, and wants someone equally smart IQ between 115 and 135. [Why so low? That's within one standard deviation of average(100)]. I don't like it when women try to play the 'dumb blonde' when there's clearly more going on behind the eyes than the hair color would imply. I find that disrespectful of my intelligence, and I will not be disrespectful in return - I Don't "Play Dumb" - it's not me. And if I can't be myself, who would I be?! ;?>

I've been on two first dates, two second dates (1 the first date was before May 1st), and met-up with the other 1st date at the mixer in Everette. I've been to singles events - especially liked the one on a Sunday evening on Mercer Island - no pressure there, and met several interesting women - even one who lives on the island.

So what now... the follow thru - ask favorites to lunch, coffee, dinner. Perhaps I should upload a new photo? I wore a suit to work the other day, and thought that would make a good photo.

When I started this, I admit I was 'cynical', and 'rude toward' online dating - but I've "put those hats in the closet", and started writing about who's really out there, and my thoughts as I delved into this deeper. Yes, there's still TMI here - but the veracity is high, even if the MAverage moniker is, perhaps, a modest understatement.

DAY NINETEEN - 11 days remaining:

2009-05-19T20:16:00.001-07:00

It's HAILING outside! The sky is dark, the air is cold, and my dog and I are curled up on the couch ready to watch a Criterion DVD from the library. It's a good night to stay indoors... but even before I could save, the hail has stopped. Wow! It looked like an ice machine gone berserk a few minutes ago, and now it's just ominously dark and cold. Brrrr... Welcome to late spring Seattle style.

So why am I constantly thinking about how little it would cost to fly to Cabo or Puerto Vallarta?

DAYS EIGHTEEN - 12 days to go:

2009-05-18T20:04:00.001-07:00

After a full day at work, I had hoped to come home, do a search, and try to email either someone new, or someone from the 'favorites' list. But the more I read, the more I think how unlikely it is to find someone in this sea. For one thing, I would rather spend my time alone than to burn time with the wrong person. The women I've met at singles events have been interesting, attractive, and clearly active. Maybe it's that I don't know exactly who I'm looking for, only that I'll know them when I meet them... Put that way... I guess I just talked myself into sticking with this...

DAYS SIXTEEN & SEVENTEEN:

2009-05-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a grueling day of baseball games, and a walk-a-thon fundraiser for Aiden. From 8-5, we were on the run in and around Bellevue. By the time we got back to Seattle, we were all exhausted. Endless Pasta Bowl, and "The Avengers" animated movie to round out the evening.

Today, we took it easy, only venturing out for baseball practice in the afternoon. Once the boys were back with their mother, a Meetup event on Mercer Island - around 20 people were there for a non-bar-scene mixer. (AAAAhhhhh!!!) A nice Yellow Tail chardonnay, some finger foods, and a great 50/50 male female mix made the night a great success.

DAY FIFTEEN - Halfway...

2009-05-15T20:54:00.001-07:00

I've read that the popular music when we're 18 years old becomes the 'music of our lives'. I'm not completely convinced, but I really like most 80's vintage music. When I was a DJ at WABB-FM, with Leslie, the HoundDawg, and all the rest, we thought Paul Young was saying... 'Everytime you go away, you take a piece of CHEESE with you'. How cheesy. Or Billie Jean... 'but the CHAIR is not my son'.

And it's interesting to me how attracted I still am to people 3 years (or so) younger than I.

Oh, Tara... oh, oh.
You squeeze my heart, and then you let it go...

DAY 14: 16 to go.

2009-05-14T21:11:00.001-07:00

I was invited to the Tap House mixer in Seattle tonight. There were around 100 singles there from all over Seattle and the Eastside, with pool tables, and free appetizers. 160 beers on tap(!) - great if you're into beer. I can take it or leave it, and tonight I was still feeling too healthy from working out. Tried 'Pepsi Natural' - normal sugar (no corn syrup). It was okay for a change, but not something I would pick up regularly.

Words, snarky, ironic, funny, sardonic, ROFL, and hopelessly, seriously, Caribbean cruise, candlelight, silk tie and tails romantic. Words mean a lot, so I read everything, and try to read the intent with the words. Yes, I like "Sleepless In Seattle", as well as "Groundhog Day". Loved the books The DaVinci Code, and Angels & Demons, but I'm sure the movie won't do the book justice (again).

Looking forward to a weekend with my sons. Hopefully the weather will cooperate.